


Riders of B. E. R. K.: Diversions

by harrypanther



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Rape Aftermath, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 21:13:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7590547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrypanther/pseuds/harrypanther
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU. Series of stories set in the "Riders of B.E.R.K. Universe" filling in the gap before and around the main story. Focussing mainly on Hiccup and Stoick but some Astrid/ Hiccstrid also. Stories vary from one to several parts. The order is not chronological!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Wrong Door Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup ends up in the wrong place at the wrong time...and meets the most important person in his life...

**Wrong Door.**

Despite the fact he had been a BERK for almost six months, Hiccup Haddock continued to get lost in the warren of tunnels that knotted through the granite mountain and today, he was somewhere in the sub levels, utterly disorientated. And, worse, he had left his ID card and com on his desk as he wandered off to fetch the replacement cable from the IT stores so he was effectively trapped. The doors behind him were swipe-card access only and he could only go forward. He couldn't call for help and no one knew where he was.

 _Perfect_ , he thought bitterly, walking along the cool corridor. The lighting was rudimentary and there were pipes on the roof, leading deeper into the mountain…the only way he could go. He stared up and then wearily began to walk in the direction of the passage.

Still seventeen and skinny, lanky and self-conscious, Hiccup wasn't the most confident of teens. He had long been the outsider in his school, the skinny geek who was isolated and bullied by the popular kids. The lack of a mother and a largely absent father condemned the young man to constant taunts and sneers. When he was dragged to BERK, there had been no friends to miss him, just teachers who had been happy to forward him the last two courses he needed to graduate because of the huge extra credits he had already accrued. Two months ago, he had been awarded his High School Diploma while his old classmates were still in Senior Year and he was already busy with the modules of his degree. Of course, they hadn't known what to do with the General's useless son when he arrived and after an embarrassing argument between the various departments, they had dumped him in IT and registered him for a degree which he was ripping through with impressive speed. But he was still the outsider.

He turned another corner, his forest green eyes flicking over the plain corridor. He still dressed like a High School kid, with scruffy black jeans, black converse, black T-shirt under a green training top. His tousled dark auburn hair was usually wild, just above the collar and contrasting his pale, faintly freckled skin. He usually looked worried and being lost seriously wasn't helping. He sighed and stumbled on through the tunnel…and then he faced a blank door.

His eyes popped wide in shock and laid his hands flat on the door. There was an emergency release…but there was nowhere else he could go. The door behind him was swipe access and before him…could be anything. But he couldn't stay under the bowels of the mountain forever so, with a quick prayer to Odin, he pressed the release and opened the door. Quietly, he slid his skinny shape through the gap and then turned…to find himself in a large, brightly-lit chamber with piles of rocks laid on the floor…and between them…there were various large multi-coloured eggs… He backed away in shock, his eyes flicking across the space as the door clicked shut behind him. He turned in shock and slammed his hands on the blank portal, completely smooth and devoid of any means of opening. And then he spun again, pressing his skinny shape back against the metal.

He could see now he was in one of the Dragon containment areas…the Hatching Pit, if the eggs were any clue. And this clearly wasn't any old time…oh, no-this was Hiccup we were talking about. So obviously it was some particularly important event because he could see the huge shape in the General's uniform with the enormous russet beard and he could see and feel the scowl from across the Hatching Pit. Gods, he was really gonna pay for this. And then there were the alpha males who were lined up ready to try to bond with whatever dragon was hatching, men who despised Hiccup and who had already made clear what they would do to the skinny teen if he got in their way: Snotlout, his stocky and powerful cousin who had bullied him all his life; Dagur Oswaldson, the brother of his boss and a psychopathic sadist who terrified Hiccup; Savage, a man who lived up to his name; Eret Eretson, tall handsome and arrogant and Tuffnut Thorston, the crazy surfer dude who was snarky, weird and wild. All were glaring at him in a way that promised some serious lumps for the teen, looks that sent tremors of fear down his spine and were horrible reminders of hours writhing under the fists of his worst bullies back in school.

"Oy, Useless! What the Hel are you doing here?" Snotlout shouted furiously. Hiccup pressed back against the door harder and his eyes widened in fear.

"I-I got lost…" he stammered, his shoulders slumped and head down. "I-I'm sorry…"

"I'll make you fucking sorry, you pathetic little worm!" Dagur snarled, his pale green eyes narrowed in rage and tone menacing. "If you screw this up, I will literally make your life a living Hel…"

"On your own time, Dagur!" a voice boomed over the loudspeaker that Hiccup recognised as his father's. The General sounded mad. "Right now there is a dragon in play!"

_Thanks, Dad. Way to protect your son. Now you've given him carte blanche to come after me and kick the crap out me at his leisure! Hang on…dragon? Oh Thor…_

"Yeah-and he's mine!" Dagur snapped and lunged for the unseen creature. There was a small roar and a claw slashed fiercely at the man. He leapt back, three light claw-marks visible across his left cheek and eye. He swiped the thin smears of blood away angrily and grabbed at the creature. There was movement and the man snatched his hand back, giving a scream of pain at the bite he had received. Snotlout lunged forward and found himself bitten as well. Without thinking, he aimed a kick at the creature. There was a thud and a pained little croon. Hiccup edged forward a few paces, his neck craning to see what was happening. Despite the fact that he shouldn't be here, he found himself intensely curious and was desperate to see what was going on.

"HICCUP! Get out the way!" the General boomed over the loudspeaker and cringing, he backed away, feeling the furious eyes on his form. Savage pointedly clenched his fist and the teen realised no matter what happened, he was facing a beating. Standing in his corner, breathing hard and bowing his head, he felt his stomach clutch in fear. And then he saw movement and his eyes widened as the creature bounded into view, Savage and Dagur grabbing at the little dragon.

The creature was black and sleek, its rounded head and blunt muzzle flattened top to bottom with huge acid green eyes and small vertical appendages that Hiccup guessed were ears. The dragon had four sturdy legs and a long tail with stabiliser fins and bat-like wings, half unfurled and was about as tall as Hiccup's knee and maybe as long as he was tall. As Hiccup stole another glance, he saw the creature snap angrily at the grasping hands before then it saw him, suddenly bounding towards the shocked teen. Scared, completely unsure what to do, Hiccup cringed into the corner and saw the dragon leap at him. He hit the wall and slid down, cringing back as the dragon gave a small roar and bounded closer, crowding the cowering teen. Curling up, his left hand raised palm out to protect his head, Hiccup closed his eyes and turned his head away.

"Please don't hurt me," he whispered.

And then something warm and dry pressed against his hand. Scales. On the muzzle of the dragon.

He froze: the dragon's nose was pressed hard against his outstretched hand, a rumbling purr sounding through the black body. Scared, Hiccup snatched a brief look to see the dragon crooning happily, resting against his touch. And when he looked at the dragon closer, it opened its eyes, the oblong pupils wide and very cute looking. Almost feeling his apprehension, the dragon opened his mouth and a moist pink tongue hung out, panting like a dog. Hiccup gave a scared laugh, the smile twisting his lips more difficult to resist as he stretched his other hand out to stroke the smooth, scaly face. The dragon leaned into his touch, purring more loudly.

"Hey, buddy," Hiccup said, his eyes wide with wonder, feeling the dragon press lovingly into his caress. He rubbed the scaly face more confidently, caressing the head affectionately. The dragon was eagerly pressing against him and he found himself grinning at the eager antics of the newly hatched creature. It opened its mouth in a gummy smile and he frowned. "Toothless? I could have sworn…" he murmured as the others closed on him.

"What the Hel are you doing, Useless?" Snotlout threatened, his fists tight.

"Get away from my dragon!" Dagur snarled and kicked at the teen. Hiccup yelped as the heavy boot slammed into his hip and he cringed. Just as suddenly, the dragon snapped its head round, its retractible teeth snapping down and pupils narrowing to tight slits as a growl vibrated through the dragon.

"I think…he doesn't think he's yours!" Hiccup hazarded as Dagur lunged forward, grabbing his top and hauling the skinny teen right off his feet. His other hand slammed round furiously and the punch tossed the boy hard back a couple of yards to dump him in a heap on the floor, trying to curl away from the next blow. But as Dagur cocked his fist again, the dragon leapt between him and the teen, growling, and his mouth filling with a purple glow. He fired a blast that tossed the man back. Snotlout gaped then lunged at the dragon.

"Now I really want him!" he admitted and grabbed at the dragon. Before he could even reach, it had fired another small purple blast at him, slamming him back by Dagur. Eret and Tuffnut backed away, seeing the little dragon was very agitated and aggressive…but Savage grabbed at the dragon and ended up bitten and then blasted away. His back arched and head down, the dragon growled again, his throat glowing with plasma.

"All of you-back off!" the General boomed over the loudspeaker. "The beast is agitated. Give it some space!" Rebellious and casting Hiccup deeply menacing glares, the soldiers retreated and Hiccup slowly uncurled, trying to squirm away but the little dragon turned back, his pupils popping wide and giving a little whimper. The dragon instantly nuzzled against him, rubbing him frantically and giving small whimpers, then bounding up onto Hiccup's chest, the weight pushing the skinny teen down into the ground, the tongue swiping sticky saliva over his face. Touched by the desperate affection, Hiccup looked back at the distressed dragon and gently rubbed the side of its head.

"It's okay, buddy," he soothed, sitting up and watching the dragon back off of his chest. "You just need to calm down. You need to choose a rider. You need someone to care for you, buddy." The dragon whimpered and rubbed frantically against him. "Oh, no no no no no," Hiccup said, appalled. "No-you can't choose me. I'm…nobody. Nothing. You need a proper rider…someone who deserves you…" The dragon began to cry, loud whimpering sounds loud in the room. Hiccup leaned closer and hugged the little head fiercely. " _Please_ don't make those whimper sounds," he pleaded. "You deserve better than me. Choose one of the others…"

"Eh, laddie…I think he's chosen ye and won't be deterred," Gobber's brogue said over the loudspeaker. The Colonel was Operations Officer, General Haddock's lifelong friend and Hiccup's de facto uncle. He was, in fact, one of the few people who cared if he lived or died…and one of very few that Hiccup trusted. In shock, Hiccup raised his head.

"He-he has?" he squeaked in an amazingly unmanly voice. Gobber nodded.

"Get yer scrawny ass over here and report for initial training and feeding!" Gobber ordered and gestured to the door at the far side of the pen. Slowly, Hiccup scrambled to his feet and the dragon instantly nuzzled against his leg. He leaned down and stroked the smooth head, fingers trailing through the dragons's several ear-flaps. Then he straightened up, pulling his training top straight and walked over, the dragon following him like a particularly well-trained dog. He caught a glimpse of the faces of the five rejected candidates.

"I'll see you later," Dagur hissed, his face a mask of hatred and Hiccup felt raw fear clutch his stomach. No matter what he did now, that man had marked him as an enemy. And he knew it wouldn't end well.


	2. The Wrong Door Part 2

Once he had been lectured by Gobber and taken a slap to the back of the head for being an idiot and wandering where he shouldn't have been, the teen found himself escorted up two floors to a dragon habitat where he could start bonding and training his new dragon. Gobber had explained along the way that the young dragon was a Night Fury, the rarest and most intelligent breed of dragon known. The dragon they had all been waiting for from the time they found the cache of eggs in the far north of Norwegian waters, in Kvitoya, one of the Svalbard islands. The dragon that their best potential riders should deserve.

He stared at the little dragon, bouncing at his side like a giant dog. Something soared in his chest and he grinned again, trailing a hand and rubbing the little dragon. He had been handed instructions in English and a printout of an ancient parchment, covered with old Norse runes and very naive diagrams. He frowned and peered closer as they stood at the entrance to the pen, the wide space yawning ahead of them. Toothless was bouncing like an excited puppy.

"Though dragons be fierce beasts, they eat almost everything though fish seems to be preferred," he read aloud. Then he reached into the cold bucket just inside the pen and tossed a cod to the dragon. Toothless gulped it down in three bites. Gobber screeched to a halt and stared at the teen.

"What was that, laddie?" he demanded, his blue eyes popping wide in shock under his thick blond unibrow. Hiccup flinched.

"Um…sorry," he began. "I-I just read the page…I thought I was supposed to…sorry…" Gobber patted on the shoulder-though, being Gobber, the contact was hard enough to knock Hiccup sideways.

"Lad…you can read this stuff?" he asked. Hiccup nodded warily.

"Um…yeah?" he said in a worried voice. "My Dad…well…you know how he is with his Viking heritage…um…so he demanded I learn the old Norse runes…and you know how I always wanted him to be proud of me…so I learned…though as usual he never paid any attention…though I'm…um…pretty sure he would know in an instant if I hadn't learnt…so I sorta know…I still need to revise…um…and kinda do better…"

"Laddie-I think about two other people in the base can read this stuff-and basically we're all about this stuff!" Gobber gaped. "Why did yer Dad nae tell me this stuff? Gods, that man is impossible!"

"Um…in his defence…he probably doesn't remember," Hiccup said quietly. "Um…I think he barely recalls I exist most of the time…"

"Well, he remembers now!" Gobber told him with an embarrassed look. "He wants a word wi' ye!" Hiccup stared up and shuddered.

"Oh Gods," he groaned. "Well, that isn't going to end well, is it?" Gobber clapped him on the shoulder again and he staggered a bit.

"Just…try not tae annoy him, son," Gobber advised, sealing the pen with the newly-named 'Toothless' inside and steering the boy to the stairs to the next floor-and the Base Commander's office. Hiccup cast a longing glance back at the pen, guessing they would find some way to undo what he had innocently gained and rob him of the friendship and companionship of the amazing and very friendly dragon. He walked quietly alongside the big Colonel, trying to calm his breathing and the apprehension bubbling in his stomach. He and his father had a difficult relationship and he had been surprised that the General had even remembered him when he vanished to Scotland for ever. But his response had been as perplexing: he had dragged Hiccup with him with no discussion, option or opportunity to pack or say goodbye. Hiccup had then been abandoned as an inconvenience in the Base and had realised he was trapped with no hope of escape or reprieve.

The General's office was at the far end of the administration corridor, backing onto the General's personal suite when Stoick lived-alone. His son had been assigned a small standard dormitory room, the same as any member of military staff in the base. Hiccup was forced to eat in the Mess, obey all base rules-but with no privileges or-effectively-contact with his father. In fact, the only time that Hiccup saw his father was when he was summoned to his office when he had done something wrong and was basically getting his ass chewed off.

Stoick Haddock, respected General and legendary figure in counter-terrorism and intelligence, was an enormous bear of a man, hard on seven feet in height and four hundred pounds of muscle and determination, topped by cropped flaming hair and a huge flaming and braided beard that wouldn't look out of place in a naval hero. His face was stern and frequently cold and his grey-green eyes were remote and tended to narrow with anger and disappointment whenever he inspected his son. His uniform was pristine, pressed and clean, sheathing his stiff form as he steepled his fingers and stared across his huge, glass-topped desk at the slump-shouldered shape of his son.

"Stand up straight, boy!" he growled, his eyes glittering with irritation. Why couldn't his son behave like a proper military child instead of like a sulky teen. Hiccup raised his green eyes and looked at his father with a hurt expression.

"Wow, way to make me feel good, Dad," he said sarcastically.

"When you deserve praise, I'll give you some," the General snapped. "But what I really want to know is why the Hel you were there, boy?" Hiccup lifted his chin.

"Um…I was lost…" he said in an embarrassed voice.

"Speak up!" the General growled. He only had 'loud' in his repertoire and constantly picking at his son for 'mumbling'.

"I was lost looking for the IT stock room," he said a little louder. His cheeks were flushed.

"For the love of…Hiccup! How long have you been here?" his father snapped.

"Five months, three weeks and four and a half days," the teen said dully.

"And you're still getting lost?" His father's tone was scornful. Hiccup stared at him, a little defensive and hurt.

"Hey…I have limited access and never got shown anything around here!" he protested. "You just hauled me along like a piece of luggage and dumped me when you arrived!"

"I have a base to run!" Stoick snapped back at him.

"So what am I supposed to do?" Hiccup shot back, his eyes glittering with anger. "You never asked me ANYTHING! You just sent men to collect me from our home. I barely had time to pack my computer and a few things…the few momentos I have of Mom. You never even let me say goodbye to my friends."

"You didn't have any friends!" Stoick told his son brutally. The teen's eyes widened and he backed up a step, breathing hard and fighting the desire to scream in anger at his father for such a brutal shot.

"No…but I did have people I wanted to say goodbye to," he said quietly. "But-as usual-it was all about what you wanted and you chose to imprison me inside a mountain in the middle of nowhere! Does anyone else have family here?"

"Your Uncle and cousin are here," Stoick told him shortly. "And Dagur has his brother and sister…"

"And they are ALL military personnel!" Hiccup shouted. "I'm not-and never will be. And I don't want to be here. I wanna go to college like a normal High School graduate and have my own life. And instead-I gotta have yours!"

"You are my son!" the General roared.

"And I never see you!" Hiccup shouted back.

"I have a base to run!"

"Big fucking deal!" Hiccup retorted, his tone sarcastic. "It doesn't take much effort to get family quarters, does it, Dad? To admit that now we're here together, it may be an opportunity to spend a little family time and get to know me?"

"The Base Commander has single quarters only," Stoick said flatly.

"BULLSHIT!" Hiccup screamed at him, his fists clenched. "You're in charge. You could have changed things…if you wanted. So be honest with me, Dad! You didn't want to, did you? You had a chance to be with your son…and instead you stuck me in a single berth on the far side of the base, with no one I know. I'm not even fucking OLD enough to join the army and you've stuck me alone in the middle of an army base. I am a fucking MINOR and you've abandoned me…AGAIN!"

"Mind your language, boy!" Stock growled, his face scarlet with anger.

"Or what? You'll put me in jail? No, wait-even better! You can put me in a fucking children's home! Howzabout that, Dad? That was a good way to dispose of me, wasn't it? In fact, the only mystery is why you ever bothered to get me out! You could've left me there and then you would never have to have bothered about your only son!"

"SHUT UP!" Stoick roared at him, lurching to his feet and leaning menacingly over the desk, his huge hands flat on the desk. Hiccup flinched, his eyes widening and he backed up half a pace, breathing hard. "You know-you only ended in that home through your own weakness and stupidity!" he snarled. "If you hadn't been so pathetic in being beaten up like a pitiful runt, you would not have ended up there!"

"Yeah, Dad-that was all my fault!" Hiccup shot back sarcastically. "And I suppose it's my fault there was no food in the house, the washing machine was broken, that I was cold and hungry? That you left me with no money, no responsible adult and no idea if you'd ever come back?"

"All you had to do was look after yourself!" Stoick shouted at him. He flinched again, his eyes pleading.

"I was a fifteen year old abandoned with no money, no food, no clean water or clothes…how the Hel was I supposed to do that?" Hiccup cried at him, his voice despairing. "Why is it my fault when you abandoned me alone? Why is it always my fault?"

"It was your damned fault you ended up where you weren't supposed to be and RUINED a unique opportunity for this Project through your deliberate interference and stupidity!" Stoick roared at him. He blinked.

"I-I'm s-sorry…" he murmured.

"And now we have to clear up your mess-again!" Stoick shouted. Hiccup winced.

"Sorry…Dad…" he said in a defeated voice.

"And you will have to give up that dragon!" the General told his son brutally. Hiccup's downcast green eyes suddenly flicked up, suddenly rebellious again.

"No," he breathed. He shook his head, looking up defiantly. "No. I won't!"

"That was not a suggestion, boy-that was an ORDER!" Stoick roared. Hiccup shook his head.

"I'm not one of your little soldiers, to order around!" he retorted.

"This is a military matter!" Stoick snarled. "You will obey me! You are to give up that dragon!"

"No," Hiccup said quietly. "No. He chose me. He wanted me. And I want him. Dad-I refuse. You'll have to take him but I won't relinquish him!" His face locked in a scowl, the General glared at his son, his eyes fixed his son's. Hiccup swallowed, his eyes bright with defiance. Overwhelmed with fury at his son's recalcitrance, Stoick pressed the buzzer on his desk and the door slid open, revealing the stocky shape of his brother and Security Officer-Snotlout's father, Colonel Spitelout Jorgensen. Stoick gave a cold smile.

"Take him to the cells," he ordered, his voice brutal. "He has been insubordinate!" Not believing his ears, Hiccup's eyes widened and he backed away in shock. He was already shaking his head as he tried to pull away but Spitelout grabbed his skinny arms and jerked the boy forward.

"Yes, sir!" he snapped and hauled the boy away. Resisting, the teen stared up in shock at his father, his eyes and face pleading.

"D-dad?" he asked, his voice shaking. "W-what's going on? You-you aren't s-serious?" Stoick sat down brusquely and turned back to his paperwork. "DAD! You can't do this!" he shouted. "DAD! Please…" And then the door closed behind him.


	3. The Wrong Door Part 3

He was resisting, pulling away and more or less being dragged, his lanky, skinny shape no match for the shorter but far stockier and stronger shape of his Uncle. "You know, boy-I really thought he was exaggerating when he said you were a disaster and a shame upon the family name…but now, I see he was underestimating your capacity for chaos!" Writhing and pulling against the grip, Hiccup felt his heart sink, knowing his father had undermined him before all his relatives-if not all the other personnel on the base.

"Please, Uncle," he begged. "You-you know this is wrong, don't you?"

"I've been given an order!" Spitelout told him. "Maybe something you ought to learn…"

"I'm a seventeen year old civilian!" Hiccup protested. "You-you can't lock me up in the brig. It's…"

"General's orders!" Spitelout told him brutally, dragging the boy in. Still struggling, Hiccup could feel apprehension rise as he was dragged through to the cells and literally thrown into the nearest one, slamming to the floor as the door clanged shut behind him. He looked up through the bars…to see his Uncle walking away and closing the door to the main detention area. Hiccup stood at the bars, his hands grasping the metal and eyes staring at disbelief at the closed door. He felt his throat thicken and breathing grow ragged: he really didn't deserve this.

But as hours passed, he realised no one was coming. No one cared that he was under age. No one cared that he wasn't even a soldier. No one cared that he was scared. And no one cared that he was hungry and thirsty and alone. So he sat on the bed, his knees drawn up to his chest, his face buried in his knees and despair tightening his chest. Without a watch, without a com and in unrelenting artificial light, he had no idea of the passage of time save the gnawing in his belly and the pressure in his bladder. Finally, he lifted his head.

"HEY!" he shouted. "I-er-I need to go! Please…I…I…" The door slammed open and a guard stomped in, his face hostile and the young prisoner cringed. "Please…I need…"

"Bucket!" the guards sneered, gesturing to the object. His eyes flicked to the bucket and then back to the smirking guard and he shook his head.

"Please…" he begged.

"You want me come in there and hold it for you?" the guard sneered. Hiccup shook his head. The guards smirked, then reached for the door and unlocked it. Eyes wide in sudden fear, he pressed back against the wall as the guard walked slowly towards him. In an instant, a large hand fisted his scruffy auburn hair and he was wrenched to his feet, hissing in pain. The guard forced him to his knees and almost forced his face into the bucket. The teen had to brace his arms against the ferocious pressure on his shoulders and use all his strength to prevent his face being pushed into the noisome depths. "Learn your place, you runt!" the guard sneered. "You use the bucket or you piss your pants like the baby you are!" And then he let the boy go, slamming the door behind him. Hiccup sat back on his heels, shaking hard. He felt utter despair well in his chest: they were never going to let him out.

Come morning, he was curled on his side on the bed, his arms wrapped around his body. The bucket was firmly in the furthest corner of the cell, well away from the despairing teen. He had been left some water but no food the previous evening and when the door opened in the morning, he saw the guard had nothing in his hands. He sighed and stiffly sat up. "No menu?" he asked. The guards scowled ferociously and grabbed his arm, hauling him from the cell, dragging him down to the Security Office, to face the stern and unfriendly shape of his Uncle.

"Have you learned your lesson?" Spitelout asked him sharply and the boy swept a hand over his face tiredly.

"Um…what lesson was I supposed to learn, Uncle?" he asked directly.

"To hand over the dragon!" Spitelout growled at him. "Gods, boy-can't you be anything but a disappointment?" Tired, hungry and miserable, Hiccup flicked his bright green gaze up to inspect his Uncle and sighed.

"Maybe if a single member of my family cared about me, if one of them bothered to support and help me, then I wouldn't be so disappointing!" he shot back. "But he…and you…and Snot all hate me so what fucking chance do I have?"

"SHUT UP!" Spitelout shouted and he cringed back. "Now you're going to that Pen and we'll persuade that dragon to choose another rider!" Hiccup shook his head but the guard was back, grabbing his skinny arm. He yelped because the guard's fierce grip dug hard into the bruises he had from the previous day but he found himself hauled along like a rag doll and eventually held firm at the door of the pen where he had dropped little Toothless. Spitelout gave nasty scowl as the General walked up and Hiccup stared steadfastly at the door. The metal cracked apart and the men dragged their prisoner in. Hiccup was thrust forward and he glanced miserably at the scowling shape of his father, but all that met him was an expression verging on hatred. He shivered and turned back as two more men walked in behind him: Snotlout and Dagur.

The door slammed and there was a small roar. Despite his night in the cells, his hunger and thirst and severe apprehension, Hiccup walked forward as the little black shape bounded towards him. His face twitched into a smile, his eyes brightening with delight as the dragon bounced up to him and gave a happy croon.

"BUD!" he greeted the dragon, capering round as the dragon bounced and warbled excitedly. The dragon jumped and knocked him down, bouncing on his chest and licking his face and neck repeatedly. "Bud! I don't think that's gonna wash out!" But his voice was laughing as he stroked and hugged the dragon.

"Now hand him over, Useless!" Snotlout sneered, his expression covetous. His father mirrored the expression-cruel and unrelenting as he glared at the teen.

"Yeah-to me!" Dagur snapped. Hiccup sat up, an arm protectively around the little Dragon, feeling the warm pressure against his skinny shape.

"No," Hiccup said defiantly.

"You were given an order!" Stoick shouted at him. He flinched, curling closer to the little dragon. Toothless curled his tail around the boy, a little growl in his throat.

"No," Hiccup repeated, his wide green eyes pleading. "He has bonded with me. You can do whatever you want to me…but you can't change his heart, Dad. This is the smartest dragon and he knows his mind. He has made his choice…and your own intelligence tells you that once a dragon is bonded, that bond can't just be dissolved and handed on to another. Toothless had the chance to bond with Snot and Dagur-and he rejected them. He didn't want them. My pushing him away won't make him bond with them…it will just upset him and make him hostile to humans. It may mean he never interacts positively with us…and you know it!"

"Why are you so defiant?" Stoick asked in exasperation. "Why are you such a disappointing runt? Why do you never do anything that would make me proud? Do you go out of your way to humiliate and anger me, boy? Because you're doing that again!"

"Dad…I can't undo this," Hiccup said softly. "And…to be honest…I wouldn't want to. Toothless is the most amazing and special person in BERK…and he has chosen to be a friend to me. My only friend. I can't give that up, Dad. A father wouldn't ask his son to."

"Do you know why you don't stay with me?" Stoick shouted at him. "Because I don't want to see you! I don't want to see your pathetic skinny shape, listen to your irritating reedy voice and be reminded that my wife died leaving me with you as her only reminder! Why couldn't it have been you that died? Then Val and I...we could have had a better son than you to replace you! Instead, I am stuck with…all of this." And he gestured disparagingly at the skinny, lanky shape hugging the lip curled in a cruel sneer. "A sulky, pathetic brat who has screwed up the whole BERK project! And all I can do is make you do as you are told now…because that dragon won't abandon you! So we now have to make you part of the Project…and teach you to obey…"

Hiccup stared at him, his heart breaking in his chest. His father's brutal words-shouted at full volume in front of his mentor, his cruel and sneering Uncle, his odious and bullying cousin and the vicious and menacing Dagur-had torn his world in half. He had long since known his father was disappointed at him and largely ignored him…but the words carried real hatred and that had knocked away the foundations of his world. He found he was trembling hard and he hoped and prayed that he wouldn't do anything embarrassing or break before his father left.

"Sir…you're not seriously considering letting this little worm keep the Night Fury?" Dagur asked in an amazed and furious voice. "Sir, let me get my hands on him. I am certain I can persuade him to give up the dragon…" Hiccup flinched and felt Toothless's tail press closer to him. There was a silent growl vibrating in the dragon's chest and Hiccup laid his hand flat on the warm, scaly skin, feeling the sound and allowing the sensation to remind him one person here wanted him.

"But you cannot persuade the dragon to give up him," Stoick said angrily. "Fall out. The thermal imaging suggests a handful more will be hatching within the month and then you will have your dragons." As the two soldiers turned and marched out, casting threatening glares at the young man, Stoick turned away from his son. "Gobber-upgrade his status and ensure he gets Rider training."

"What about his place in IT?" Gobber asked him in a neutral voice. He had a soft spot for the boy and had been shocked when Stoick had ripped his boy to shreds in front of the others.

"He can keep that as well," the General growled. "Boy should do something useful." And then he left without even acknowledging his son was there. The Colonel walked slowly towards the boy, who had curled around his dragon, the face buried against the flattened head and body shaking with sobs. The older man crouched down awkwardly, his bulky shape and missing leg making the whole process very ungainly. But his heart was aching for the young man, clinging to the newly hatched dragon as the only creature he could call a friend.

"Hiccup?" he began softly and the boy stiffened, rigid shoulders still shaking with his grief. The auburn head slowly lifted, revealing tear-streaked cheeks and shining and puffy green eyes. He sniffed pathetically and swiped at his face with his sleeve. Lashes beaded with tears fluttered as the boy took a sighing breath.

"Does he mean it, Gobber?" he asked timidly. "Is that what he truly thinks of me?" For once, the Colonel was lost for words. He doubted Stoick would have screamed the words if he didn't mean or think them…but no man with any shred of heart would ever say that to his son! No man with any shred of common decency would say that to a lonely and vulnerable young man who was being threatened by two older and more fierce soldiers.

_Then again, what sort of man would put his seventeen year old son in a cell for the night for getting lost and accidentally ending up in the wrong place?_

"He's been under a lot of stress, laddie," he said weakly and watched Hiccup's face crumple. The boy was still school age but he was smart and he could read between the lines better than most.

"I-I understand…" he said quietly. "I-I…I'll just have to try to do better." He took a shuddering breath then finally got to his feet, caressing the dragon gently. The little dragon gave a pathetic whimper and pressed hard against the teen's leg. "It's okay, bud. It's not you…it's me. You really should have gone for one of those others…"

But the dragon's adoring expression said it eloquently enough:

_You're the only one I want. My Rider. My human._


	4. The Wrong Door Part 4

_You're the only one I want. My Rider. My human._

Hiccup dropped to a knee and hugged the dragon again, scratching him tenderly. The dragon leaned so hard against him that the dragon almost fell over, closing his eyes and purring in ecstasy. "Thank you, Toothless. I really don't know what I would do without you," he whispered.

 _Nor do I,_ Gobber thought sadly, seeing the boy bravely straighten up and lift his chin. He walked to the cold bin. He tossed the little dragon a couple of large cod and watched him munch them furiously, licking his lips and giving his toothless, gummy grin in gratitude. Then he rubbed the dragon again and gave a very small smile before heading for the door.

"Am I being sent back to the cell?" he asked suddenly. Gobber frowned and turned to stare at the teen.

"What?" he asked in shock. Hiccup gave a small, twisted smile.

"The General threw me in jail yesterday after we talked," he said, his hands trembling. "I-I spent the night in a cell, on my own." He swallowed nervously, his eyes betraying the deep hurt and trauma he felt.

"Did they not feed ye, laddie?" Gobber's tone was worried. Hiccup was a minor and though he couldn't override the Base Commander, he had at least assumed Stoick would treat his son like a human being. There was the slightest shake of the head. "No one tae check ye were alright?" Another shake of the head. "Nae facilities?"

"Um…a bucket…" Hiccup admitted, his cheeks flushing in shame. Gobber's unibrow dipped and he stepped forward, wrapping an arm protectively round the young man.

"I'm so sorry, laddie," he said gruffly. "I didnae know-or I would've taken ye from that place." Hiccup nodded slightly, his eyes firmly fixed on the ground.

"I know. Sorry." And that made Gobber cringe as well, hearing the lad so beaten down. He squeezed him affectionately and steered him out of the Pen.

"Let's get ye some brunch, shall we?" he suggested and Hiccup's head snapped up, a sudden look of determination and hope in his eyes. He nodded, a hand ghosting over his middle.

"Yeah…I could eat," he admitted as his stomach growled loudly. Gobber grinned.

"That's me boy!" he said, grinning and he saw the lad raise his head, his green eyes sparkling with gratitude as the Colonel steered then to the Mess. The Riders were there as they entered and suddenly the room fell silent. Hiccup felt his cheeks flare in embarrassment at the intense hostile glares. He walked to the servery and helped himself to bacon, eggs, tomatoes, fried bread, fried potatoes and mushrooms, then tucked in ravenously. Gobber had a plate piled high with bacon, ham, eggs and sausages and sat opposite the boy, munching away and chatting amiably. And all the time, the other Riders and would-be Riders glared hatefully at the skinny teen.

Once he had finished, Gobber gave a grin, promised to bring Hiccup his new ID and Com and rose to lumber away back to his office. But as soon as the Colonel was gone, the Riders rose as one, homing in on the skinny shape at the small table at the very edge of the room. Hiccup looked up and tried to rise…but Eret got there first, a heavy hand slamming onto his shoulder and forcing him down into the seat. HIs eyes widened in fear as the men crowded around him. He was literally a fishbone with no military training and no hope of protecting himself. Dagur swaggered up, his pale eyes vicious as he jerked his head to to Eret and Snotlout, who grabbed the teen's arms.

"Please, Dagur," Hiccup said swiftly, his heart fluttering rapidly in his chest as he pulled hopelessly against the furious grips. "I-I…"

"What was that…brother?" he sneered. "You steal my dragon, you refuse to hand him over and manage to persuade your Daddy to let his precious little boy keep my dragon!" He leaned closer. "So we need to let you know where you are in the pecking order."

"Oh, I already know," Hiccup suddenly said, his tone bitter. "My whole life has been one lesson in learning where my place is! So you're just wasting your time and effort!" His face was pale, his hands trembling and his throat worked as he fought fear. But no one was fooled. Snotlout gave a sharp laugh.

"Don't worry, Useless," he sneered. "We haven't got anything to do…because someone stole my dragon!" His tone was vicious as he helped drag his terrified and struggling cousin from the mess. Hiccup wrestled and shouted for help but no one listened-or came. And then he found himself manhandled down to the lowest level of the base, to the area where the Dragon Pens were bring constructed. He was;t that far from his dragon…but he might as well be a million miles, because he was still not able to access the pen. And then he was dropped by the Riders. Dagur, Eret and Snotlout grinned nastily.

"You're getting five minutes start," Eret told him. "Starting…now…" Terrified, Hiccup stared at them..then ran in the direction of the main base…but the door was closed and locked…and he still didn't have his ID swipe card. He stared in panic at the soldiers, who were laughing-and then he sprinted in the other direction, his scruffy black converse flying over the concrete floor. He was lanky and awkward, almost tripping over his feet as he skidded round a corner into a much more poorly lit tunnel. He had no idea how long five minutes was or whether they would even wait for five minutes…but he was mortally afraid what they would do to him.

He managed to get to a stairwell and wrenched the door open, panting as he began to scramble up the stairs. There were a lot of flights and he wasn't as fit as he should be because he spent hours bent over a computer screen. He paused, panting hard and bent forward against a stitch-and then heard the door below slam and the thud of feet closing. He paled and began to climb but his legs were burning and very shaky. And he knew with sick realisation that he wasn't going to make it. The stairwell he had chosen rose without any other exit from the basement level to the fifth level. They caught him one level below the only exit, strong hands digging into his skinny arms and faces leering menacingly around the trembling teen.

He was unceremoniously dragged all the way down to the base of the stairwell, a dark little space, concrete and cold with the minimum of emergency lighting. And he was alone, a skinny, scared seventeen year old against three angry and vengeful soldiers. He swallowed, shaking with fear, as he backed up.

"Whoops. Didn't make it," Snotlout scoffed.

"Pathetic," Eret sneered.

"You really shouldn't have stolen that dragon," Dagur breathed, cracking his knuckles and closing. Hiccup found himself pressed back against the wall.

"I'm sorry," he pleaded. "It was a mistake. Please don't hurt me…"

"No chance of that," Dagur told him, pulling back his fist and landing the first blow…

oOo

He regained consciousness curled on his side, alone in the semi-darkness of the stairwell. Everything hurt. Biting back against the moan of pain, he wearily lifted his spinning head, then moved his limbs. All were intact…but badly bruised. His chest was sore and breathing hurt, jabbing white hot needles into his side. And he could taste blood.

He had been beaten up more times than he could count at school so he knew the form: pick himself up, check for anything broken, try not to throw up, drag his beaten ass back home and nurse his wounds in silence until he was fit enough to go back to school. And then tears burned his eyes: this wasn't school, there was no home and there was no way he could avoid the people who had assaulted him. He painfully levered himself to his knees and finally his feet and stared upwards. He still needed to get out and that was the only way.

It was a long time later when he arrived at the top, fearfully peering round the door before limping self-consciously along the corridor towards the infirmary. There was no home, no one to care and he needed to know how badly he was injured. Painfully, he wandered in and winced as a medic immediately turned on him, demanding who he was and what he was doing here. He gulped and backed away, realising he had no ID on. _Thanks, Gobber._

"I'm h-here because I…" And then he stopped. How pathetic would he sound? How more pathetic could he be? "I'm sorry to have wasted your time," he said defeatedly, turning unsteadily and heading to the door. Then a hand grabbed his. He stiffened and looked round-to see a tiny elderly woman, her hunched back and squint not really deflecting the obvious confidence and authority she exuded. She beckoned and he swallowed, then turned to her. "Yes?"

She huffed, then clicked a button on her wrist com. She typed and then a mechanical voice eerily sounded. "My name is Major Gothi. I am the Chief Medical Office. You are the General's son."

"Um…yes," he admitted. "I'm Hiccup Haddock."

"What happened to you, Hiccup Haddock?"

"Um…I lost an argument." His tone was ashamed.

"Where does it hurt? Let me help you," she said and pulled him back into the infirmary. He gave a small smile and sat where he was ordered, stripped his top off and allowed her to assess and treat his injuries. She paused to type in questions but she insisted that he tell her about himself and he found himself lowering his guard and explaining a lot more about Hiccup Haddock than he had planned on sharing with anyone in the base. By the time she had finished, her kindly smile was familiar and she had very gently reassured him that he was safe, he would live and that she wanted to hear about any similar incidents. He swallowed and made to get up…and then found her hugging him.

He hugged her back: hugs were rare in his life and to receive one from someone who genuinely wanted to help him was a precious luxury. He buried his face in her shoulder for a long moment before letting her go. Then he smiled. "Thanks, Major," he said in a small voice. She wagged a finger at him and beckoned-and he found Gobber ambling forward. Instantly he flinched and his bruised and battered cheeks flared with shame.

"Eh, laddie…what the Hel's happened tae ye?" the Colonel asked.

"Um…some people didn't like me having a dragon…" he admitted. Gobber literally growled.

"That Dagur…" he muttered.

"Um…and Eret and Snotlout," Hiccup admitted. "I was probably my fault because I couldn't run fast enough to to get away from them…" Gobber's hand gently closed around his shoulder.

"Laddie…you need tae take care…" he advised.

 _I was dragged from the canteen just after you left. What more could I possibly do?_ he asked himself silently. But he nodded anyway because he knew there was nothing more to say. Then Gobber handed him a new ID card, describing him as 'Specialist Hiccup Haddock: IT/ Rider'. The Colonel then fixed a new com around his wrist.

"Yer got access to everything," Gobber told him with a wink. "Yer a Specialist now!" The ghost of a smile passed over his battered face.

"Thanks, Gobber," he sighed and eased himself to his feet. The Colonel kindly grasped his shoulder.

"Call me if anything like this happens, laddie," he said in a low, angry voice. "I canna be havin' one of my Riders being hurt." Suppressing his instinctive response, he nodded.

"You got it, Gobber," he said quietly. "And thanks. I presume I'll be notified about Rider training?" Gobber nodded as they turned for the door. Hiccup thanked Gothi again before leaving and headed down to the Pens once more. With a smile on his lips, he let himself into the Pen and closed the door behind him.

"TOOTHLESS!" he called and the young Night Fury bounded towards him, warbling in utter excitement, his eyes wide with love for his human. Hiccup found himself knocked to the floor once more, but though he winced, he didn't protest except to try to ward off the eager licking that Toothless treated him to. Finally, he sat up and tried to calm down the capering little dragon.

"Easy, bud," he murmured, dropping to his knees and hugging his dragon. "You know…I wasn't meant to get you. It was a mistake, an accident. I came through the wrong door…" The dragon crooned and leaned against him, purring wildly and Hiccup hugged him, his heart soaring with joy at the knowledge something was pleased to see him. Something that refused everyone but him, that refused to give up Hiccup.

"And you know, though everyone has been horrible…and will continue to be, I guess…I won't ever give you up." The dragon gave a little croon as Hiccup hugged him again and rested gently against the warm, scaly body. "Yeah, I know. You're my best buddy, Toothless. And no matter what happens to me, no matter what anyone tries, I will always love and protect you. I'll be your friend forever."


	5. Anniversary Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the Anniversary of an event that changed Hiccup and Stoick's lives forever...but no one understands why Hiccup feels so bad...

**Anniversary.**

It was the day he feared every year, the one day that he knew the memories would resurface. He lay still on his bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark until the alarm went and he wearily sat up. It was fifteen years to the day since his mother died…and he had nearly died. And once again, he would be completely alone.

Not physically, of course. Hiccup Haddock was a reluctant member of the Dragon Riders of B.E.R.K., a teenager stuck in a secret army unit and pair-bonded with the alpha dragon, a year old Night Fury-the most intelligent, fast and loyal dragon. The bond had been effectively accidental as the lanky teen had gotten lost and ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time to meet the newly hatched Toothless. The Night fury had chosen the boy and no one could change his mind. So the young outsider in the isolated and secret base had been forced to join the angry and jealous Riders, the select group chosen by the Army to bond with the dragons. And-worse-he had ended by by default as their leader.

Hiccup wearily stumbled out of bed. He was tall, skinny and lanky, his dark auburn hair cut choppily above the collar and crazily sticking up after sleep. His bright forest green eyes swept the room and a sigh shuddered through him. The place was a mess, clothes strewn over the floor and papers piled haphazardly on his desk. Tiredly, he gave a yawn and stretched, his neck cracking as he tried to wake up and stumbled to the shower. The water washed over him and he closed his eyes. Another day alone-no friends, companions, family…except his dragon. He flipped the shower off and reached for the towel.

Of course, he had family: a father, an uncle and a cousin. His aunt was estranged from his uncle and Hiccup hadn't heard from her for over seven years-and then, just a birthday card. He sighed, dried his hair and tried to find some clothes. After some searching and tripping over cables to his two laptops, he found a dark green long-sleeved top, a black training top, black jeans and black converse-falling apart now. Wearily, he clipped on his ID badge, checked he had his com-watch and walked out of the room, heading for the Mess. With luck, he would have beat the others to breakfast.

His luck was out, for the worst were already waiting for him, their eyes lighting up as he entered and the slew of taunts instantly began.

"Hey, Useless!" his cousin Snotlout sneered. "What took you so long?"

"Been meeting with your friends? Oh, I forgot-you don't have any!" Savage taunted.

"Why don't you just do us a favour and leave?" Dagur hissed. Hiccup flinched and sighed but forced himself to walk on. He had every right to be here, no matter how much it cost him in terms of self-respect. Just another great day. He quietly walked to the servery and grabbed beans on toast, heading towards a table at the edge of the room. Eret and Savage grabbed him and led him to the main table, sitting him opposite Dagur, the most vociferous and vicious of his tormentors. His eyes dropped to his plate, to the table, unsure what to say. He felt like a prisoner, felt vulnerable and outnumbered and afraid…and today, unlike every other day, his resilience was lacking.

"Hi, guys," he sighed. Dagur snorted.

"Is that all you have to say, brother?" he taunted. Hiccup's eyes flicked up, forest green inspecting the menacing expression opposite him. Dagur's smile was humourless, like the grin of a shark and he pushed his plate away: suddenly, he had no appetite.

"I dunno. What do you want me to say?" he asked dully. Dagur leaned closer.

"Howsabout 'Dagur, I'm so sorry I stole your dragon. I will give him to you now and repent every day for the rest of my life.' That would do for starters!"

"Um…sorry…not gonna happen," Hiccup said quietly. "Toothless rejected you and chose me. He will never bond with you. So get over it…"

A hand shot across the table and grabbed his neck. He choked, emerald eyes snapping wide open, staring in shock and suffocated desperation. His hands clawed at the ruthless grip and his hand frantically clawed for any weapon…until he found the fork. Without hesitation-because his throat was sore and his vision was greying-he stabbed it as hard as he could into Dagur's wrist. The man screamed and snatched his hand back as Hiccup pulled away, desperately gulping in air and trying to breathe. Dagur stared at him with naked hatred.

"You little bastard!" he snarled. "I'll make you scream for that…" Hiccup shuddered at the threat, looking around in a silent plea for help from the other Riders…but the others merely watched, sipping coffee and silent as Dagur and his friends closed on the skinny teen. Hiccup scrambled back but Savage and Vorg hauled him forward once more.

"Dagur…please…no…" Hiccup begged him. "I…"

Their coms all sounded at once and the familiar voice of Colonel Gobber Belch, the Operations Chief sounded loud and clear. "Get yer lazy asses to Pen One now! Yer late!"

As one, the Riders moved…except the men restraining Hiccup. Seeing his witnesses all leave at speed had the boy trembling in fear as Dagur leaned close and smiled evilly…then flung Hiccup's breakfast straight in his face. Laughing, the men all rose and left Hiccup slumped forward, beans dripping from his hair, face and chest. For a long moment, the boy remained still…and then he automatically rose, wiping the excess food from his face. He quietly put his now-empty plate in the rack to be cleaned then walked wordlessly to the nearest bathroom, where he washed the beans from his face and hair before he sponged the beans from his clothes as best he could, stains of sauce still clearly visible despite his best efforts. Finally, running his hands through his soaked bangs, he turned to the door and began to trot down the stairs to the Pen level…and began the mile long trek the Pen One.

Despite running most of the way and getting a ferocious stitch in his side, he was late, the others staring at him with silent contempt. Gobber and his father-of course-were waiting, both wearing disappointed and condemning expressions.

"Yer late, Hiccup!" Gobber said, his eyes narrowing with exasperation. "And what happened ter ye?" Hiccup swallowed, his green gaze flicking across his fellow Riders-soldiers all, every man-and woman-standing at perfect attention. No one would own up and he already knew his father would disbelieve him if he explained what had happened-and then the Riders would kick lumps out of him later anyway.

"I…er…had an accident," he said softly.

"Speak up, boy!" the General snarled, his grey-green eyes remote and angry. Hiccup was a major disappointment to him, both as a skinny, lanky fishbone who bore an uncomfortable resemblance to his mother and was as unmilitary as it was possible to get and also as the person who ruined the project. Hiccup stared at the floor and his shoulders slumped.

"I had an accident," the teen said more loudly, his cheeks flaring with shame.

"Spilled his breakfast over himself, sir," Dagur supplied with suitable detachment.

"Gods, boy-can't you even eat without making a spectacle of yourself?" Stoick Haddock asked his son brutally. "How I ever ended with such a disaster for a son is beyond even the wit of the Gods!" Hiccup felt the words like a blow: today of all days, his father's disapproval was like a knife in his heart. Gobber paused, staring at the young man, humiliated and ostracised, and realised there was something else going on. Then he dragged his attention back to the present.

"Right," he sighed pointedly. "I'll have to go over the exercise again…"

oOo

**_[Fifteen Years Earlier]_ **

_"Again, Momma! Again!"_

_Three year old Hiccup was safely restrained in his car seat as his mother, Valka, smiled, her emerald green eyes checking her son in the rear view mirror. Hiccup was a bright, talkative and loving child, the son she had always wanted. Sure, he had been born early and small, but she was certain he would catch up with time and he more than made up with his intelligence, inventiveness and artistry. The boy certainly had a talent…but all her husband would talk about was how small her son was in comparison to his six year old cousin._

_"Hiccup-we've sung that song three times already!" But her eyes were twinkling. Hiccup was determined and already strong-willed. He would persist until he got something right…and_ _currently it was the nursery rhyme…_

_"But I wanna sing it again, Momma," he whined. "Please? PRETTY please? I promise I'll go to bed on time without any fuss tonight if we do!" She reached over and tweaked the CD player in the care._

_"But this is the last time, honey," she said sternly. "Honestly, you'll know by heart…"_

_"I know, Momma," he murmured softly. "Okay…"_

_And then the car shuddered and jolted, the screeching of metal bending mixed with the shattering of glass and scream of the tyres. Valka screamed as the car was slammed sideways by an unseen impact and raced off the road, rolling as it hit the verge and tumbled down the ditch. A dark shadow raced by, engine receding in the distance._

_And after the crashes and creaks had settled and the engine had died, Hiccup hung from his seat, his head hurting fiercely, something wet and sticky on his face. His arms and chest hurt badly as well._

_"Momma?" he whimpered._

_There was no answer from the shape hanging bloody and still from her seatbelt straps, long dark auburn hair strewn across her blood-streaked face. Her emerald eyes, always so reassuring and full of laughter, were closed._

_"Momma?" The cry was more urgent, more desperate. Maybe Momma was asleep and just needed Hiccup to wake her? The scared little boy lifted his unfocussed eyes, concussion already scrambling his mind. But he had seen how Momma put him in and removed him from the seat, so his little hands determinedly fiddled with the belt fastening until it finally clicked free, dropping the badly injured child onto the back of the seat in front of him._

_He rubbed his hands over his painful head and saw red smearing his little hand. Whining in pain, he lifted his bleary emerald gaze and began to crawl and scramble the agonising few yards to his restrained mother. "Momma…wake up," he whimpered. "My head hurts…" But she remained still._

_Finally, he reached her, his small hands stretching for her still body. He shook her but she didn't respond, no arms reaching out to embrace the small boy. He was too young to notice the absence of breathing, the pallor of her lips, the cooling of her extremities as her corpse slowly stiffened. All he knew was that his mother was very deeply asleep and somehow, it had to be his fault. His Dad always said everything was his fault. Maybe if he hadn't asked for the song again, she wouldn't have steered them off the road and she would wake up. It_ _had to be his fault._

 _"Please Momma…wake up," the critically injured boy whimpered, clinging to the corpse of his mother. "I'm sorry. It's my fault. Please…I won't ever ask to hear that song again…just_ _please wake up…"_

oOo

"WAKE UP!" Stoick snarled at him as his attention snapped back to the present. "Gods, do I have to treat you like some small child? You really are a disgrace to the project, to the base and to the Haddock name! PAY ATTENTION!" Hiccup looked up, his emerald gaze almost swimming with misery.

"Yes, sir," he mouthed, unable to speak without his voice breaking. His father never let his own civilian son call him 'Dad' while on the base-i.e. ever-and instead insisted on 'sir' or 'General'.

"What was that?" Stoick shouted at him furiously.

"Yes, sir," Hiccup managed hoarsely, his fists clenched at his side. There were sniggers. Gobber stared at the boy again then grumbled and opened the huge brushed steel doors to the Pen before the General could tear into his son again. The Colonel could tell there was something very wrong and the boy was more distracted than normal…but Stoick had, as usual, failed to notice anything about his son and was treating the skinny civilian as if he were a trained soldier. Gobber could see how destructive that was.

"Get on with the exercise!" the Colonel ordered and the Riders sped into the Pen. Hiccup was last, which was unusual of itself because of all the Riders, the teen loved his dragon. As the door closed behind them, the others turned their glares on the boy but Hiccup just lifted his head and gave a roar. They all stared at him in shock.

"Night Fury roar!" he said quietly. "Carries further than just shouting…"

"So we have to listen to you honk like a…" Snotlout began disparagingly.

A roar sounded and the sleek black shape of the Night Fury galloped into view, his acid green eyes wide and locked on his Rider. The others, who were closing on the boy backed away instantly as the dragon arrived at speed, warbling happily and bouncing like a very overgrown puppy. At just over a year old, Toothless was now as high as Hiccup's hip and fiercely protective, his sleek black shape powerful and lithe. The dragon nuzzled against him fiercely and the boy leaned forwarded hugged the blunt muzzle, resting his face against the warm scales.

"Hey, bud…so glad to see you today," he murmured and rubbed the dragon's chin affectionately. Then he lifted his green gaze and looked at the others. "I believe the General did command you all to call your dragons and begin basic flight exercises," he said evenly. They instantly glared at him but Toothless growled and they kept their distance from the young rider. With reluctance, the others fanned out and began calling their dragons, the cacophony of ten voices making every word unintelligible. Watching them for a moment, Hiccup sighed then retrieved the basic saddle he had built from his locker by the door and fastened it on carefully, with Toothless fidgeting and watching the others' failure. He rolled his eyes.

"Okay, bud…call 'em in!" he sighed and the young Night Fury roared. There were answering calls immediately and a young Monsterous Nightmare, Skrill, Deadly Nadder, Changewing, Zippleback, Razorwhip, Hobblegrunt, Rumblehorn and Gronkle all trotted up, happily reuniting with their Riders. There was a long moment until Toothless gave a small roar and all the dragons looked up, listening. "Saddle up, Riders," Hiccup ordered them clearly. "Exercise set one-I will begin while you are all getting ready!" And with that, he threw his leg over the young dragon and grinned, leaning forward. "Okay, bud-show 'em what you've got," he encouraged in a low voice.

With a roar, the Night Fury took off, the young dragon eager and strong. Hiccup held the saddle tightly, using his weight and his voice to encourage the dragon through the set of turns, flips and loops with perfect accuracy until he landed exactly on the spot he had left. For a moment, windblown and breathless, his eyes were sparkling and a smile lit his features.

"Rubbish!" sneered Snotlout. "I could do better with one arm tied behind my back."

"Prove it!" Hiccup challenged, his eyes glittering with annoyance. He knew the exercise had been executed perfectly but not one of them could ever bring themselves to congratulate him on a job well done. Snotlout immediately rose to the challenge and threw himself onto the neck of his russet and black Monstrous Nightmare his powerful fists clamped onto the horns as he commanded them into the air. Pen One was huge, with more than enough room for aerial manoeuvres…usually. The problem was that all their dragons were a year old and so were still growing and acting like teens themselves. Snotlout's dragon, Hookfang, was more trouble than most, a strong-willed and prank-filled dragon who delighted in humiliating his Rider. So there was no surprise when Hookfang refused the commands, dunked Snotlout in the small lake in the centre of the Pen and then threw him. Hiccup and Toothless were instantly in the air, catching the other Rider before he could crash to the floor from fifty feet. But as soon as Toothless gently placed the solider on the ground, he shook the dragon's paws off him.

"Get off me!" he shouted at Hiccup, his eyes furious. "You couldn't resist interfering, could you, Useless? I was doing fine and you had to show off! I suppose you want the General to pat you on the head like a good little boy and congratulate you for saving my life! Well you didn't! I don't need your help…EVER!"

Hiccup shrank away from the attack, his hands tightening on the saddle. It had been instinctive, seeing another person in danger and while he hadn't really expected thanks, fielding such abuse for his actions had really hurt. But he forced himself to reply, to not just take it like a coward.

"I'll tell Toothless, then? You can call your own dragon next time and see if he catches you," he shot back. Snotlout swung round, his fists bunched and lurched at the boy but the Night Fury growled fiercely.

"I can see why the General despises you!" Snotlout sneered. "If it had been up to me, I would never have brought you home! You are just a total mistake!"

oOo

_**[Fifteen Years Ago]** _

_"I don't understand, Colonel," the doctor had said, his face furrowed with incomprehension. "Your son is finally fit to go home-and you don't want to take him? He NEEDS you, sir! He was critically injured in the accident where he lost his mother and he has made an excellent recovery…but he needs his familiar surroundings now…"_

_"I don't have anyone to care for him," Colonel Stoick Haddock had growled in exasperation. "My wife died in the crash, you realise."_

_"My condolences, sir. It must be a very difficult time for you both. And perhaps all the more reason why you should be spending it with your only son…" The Colonel cast the doctor a vicious look. Unfazed, the dark-skinned Paediatric Trauma Specialist leaned forward, his hands pressed together as if in prayer. His deep hazel eyes were filled with concern. "The boy_ _needs his father."_

_"I am busy," the Colonel said coldly. "I don't have time to care for a child. Can't you keep him for a couple more weeks?" The doctor's expression slowly melted from gentle concern to something akin to disgust._

_"Are you telling me," he said in a very careful voice, "that you do not want your son back? Because if that is the case, sir, I have no hesitation in contacting Children's Services! This is a three year old boy who has been involved in life-threatening trauma and lost his mother. He needs his family. He needs YOU! And I have no compunction in taking him from you if you fail to provide the support and care he needs!" Stoick glared, lurching forward a pace._

_"Do you know who I am?" he growled._

_"No-and I don't care," the doctor said angrily. "Hiccup is fit for discharge. So he goes with his father or with a social worker." Stoick turned away, his fists clenched._

_"You don't understand," he ground out in a low, hate-filled voice. "He did it. He killed her."_

_"That's rubbish!" the doctor said, standing and brushing down his white coat. "The accident reports clearly show that the car was broadsided by another vehicle which led to them going off the road."_

_"How did you…?"_

_"In trauma, we always get reports of the accident to elucidate mechanism of injury and ensure all relevant injuries are uncovered or excluded," the doctor told him calmly. "I doubt a three year old caused that!"_

_"But he must have distracted her so she couldn't react to avoid the other car!" Stoick argued stubbornly, seemingly determined to lay all the blame at the door of his motherless son. "My Valka was an excellent driver. That boy is the reason why she didn't save herself!"_

_Sitting on his bed in the next room, the small auburn-haired boy clutched his knees to his chest and heard his father arguing to fiercely against taking him home, that it was all Hiccup's fault. His side, shoulder, arm, head and legs still hurt from the injuries but the nice doctor, Dr Graham, had said he was better enough to go home. Except his Dad didn't want him._

_Come to think of it, his Dad never seemed to want him._

_He had only seen his Dad once since the accident. He'd seen Uncle Gobber and Uncle Spitelout far more and Aunt Marsha had been really nice and visited most days. He wondered if he would have to go and live with Uncle Spitelout: that would mean being with Snotlout, his cousin, who was mean to Hiccup every time they got together…and now, Mom wasn't there to keep an eye on Hiccup and check he wasn't getting too bullied by his cousin._

_Wait…Aunt Marsha had said she couldn't take him in even for a short time because they didn't have room and they were moving soon to a new Army base way down in New Mexico, too_ _far from Dad to be practical._

_So maybe he would have to go with the 'social worker'. Whatever that was. It sounded important. Maybe she was a nice person who would make Hiccup welcome and help him get over his Mom going away._

_He wondered when his Mom would come back._

_Maybe then, his Dad would want to see him again…_


	6. Anniversary Part 2

The Riders had all completed the basic exercises with various levels of success. Hiccup had critiqued them as was his job and allowed the abuse to wash over his head as usual, though he was feeling sick and butterflies were dancing in his stomach. He had to hand in the report on their performance and he knew the others would not be happy with his judgements…not that his father paid any attention to Hiccup's opinion. The exercises were all recorded on surveillance cameras so that General and Gobber could watch themselves and come to their own conclusion. Hiccup had checked: they had never rescinded his grades once.

Exercise Two was a pairs exercise: formation flying. In his wisdom, Gobber had paired Hiccup with Dagur and the Night Fury and Skrill together. Neither Riders nor dragons got on…and while Hiccup could appreciate that the team members should learn to work together, he feared the only person making an accommodation or concession was Hiccup. And even he couldn't make their dragons get on. So he faced the exercise with trepidation.

They hovered up, side by side. Dagur was leaning forward, his mad pale green eyes fixed not he Night Fury. And worse, he was talking to Hiccup's dragon.

"See what you're missing, Night Fury? You don't deserve a name like 'Toothless' do you? Only a total idiot would name a dragon that! You deserve a name with 'Death' in it-like Deathwing here. I'm sure I can rename you once you reject that pathetic coward on your back!"

"Keep your mind on the exercise!" Hiccup said through gritted teeth. "Backwing four beats then upwards ten yards!"

"I don't need you to tell me what to do!" Dagur shouted at him as they rose.

"Keep your distance," Hiccup said urgently. "Dagur-your wingtips are overlapping Toothless's!"

"You're being paranoid…"

"Toothless has a thirty-seven foot wingspan already and you have to respect that!" Hiccup urged him. "You foul that and we both go down!"

"I don't need you to say anything to me, you useless little piece of…"

"Dagur-watch your weight transfer! You're leaning Deathwing into Toothless!" Hiccup screamed as the dragons crashed. Hiccup felt himself jolted from the saddle and fell away with a scream, flailing desperately and knowing no one would make any attempt to rescue him or save his life. He saw Dagur leering cruelly at him as he dropped away…and then he saw Toothless stretch for his, wings propelling him straight down recklessly, his body and wings wrapping around the skinny teen an instant before they slammed into the rocky floor.

There was a shocked silence as the other Riders stared at the crumpled black dragon, lying still on the rocks. Then, very slowly, he raised his head and opened bleary acid green eyes as the Riders stared in shock. They knew dragons were tough but the dragon had accelerated down onto solid rock…and was alright. And then he lifted his wings that were wrapped around a huddled lanky shape. Hiccup opened his green eyes, shocked he was alive…and, apart from a few bruises he could feel forming on his lanky shape, he seemed alright. He lifted his head up and stared into the eyes of his best friend and smiled.

"Thanks, buddy," he murmured, reaching an arm up to press against the muzzle. "I don't know what I'd do without you!"

"HICCUP!" the General shouted, storming into the Pen with Gobber at his heels. "WHAT THE HEL ARE YOU PLAYING AT?" The boy looked up, feeling his back ache from the solid impact and slowly clambered to his feet as Toothless shook his head and stumbled up by him, his expression less than happy.

"Me?" Hiccup protested. "I did…"

"Not listen to me and crashed into my dragon!" Dagur reported angrily, landing by the General. "Sir, his recklessness could have cost us both dragons!"

"That's NOT what happened!" Hiccup argued, his eyes flashing with anger. "Sir…Dagur disregarded my orders and fouled Toothless's wings as he flew out of formation! He…"

"SHUT UP!" Stoick snarled and Hiccup's forest green eyes widened with hurt.

"But it's the truth!" he protested. "Sir, you put me in charge of the Riders and you disbelieve everything I tell you. Then tell me, sir, what the point of me being here is?"

"Nothing," Stoick shouted at him furiously. "You have no point. You have no worth. And you have endangered two dragons. YOU ARE GROUNDED!"

"Sir, this is unfair!" Hiccup protested. "I have done NOTHING wrong and I am always being punished for…"

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" the General roared.

"Dad…please…" The words were quiet, defeated as all the fight abruptly oozed from Hiccup, his shoulders slumping and head hanging.

"OUT! NOW!" Stock shouted at him and he slowly turned and walked from the Pen, his face ashen and eyes shining with misery. Toothless gave a small sad croon as he left and that broke the boy: as soon as the Pen door closed behind him, he slid to the floor, slumped on his knees, his hands pressed to his face in utter incomprehension. He could do no more: he had done everything asked of him and no matter what he did, his father rejected him. As he had every day since his Mother left them…

oOo

_**[Fifteen Years Ago]** _

_It was a cold day with drizzle and grey, menacing skies as they arrived at the cemetery. The service had been too long and difficult for Hiccup to understand, but everyone was in black and most people were crying or at least looking very sad. All of Mom's friends had been there and his Dad had stood up and talked about his Mom a lot, saying how much he loved and missed her, how happy they had been together, how they had met, all the fun things they had done, just the two of them. He had never mentioned Hiccup once but the boy hadn't noticed because he had been fidgeting and had just wanted the long service to end. They had sung Mom's favourite hymn, the one even Hiccup had known and his little childish voice had joined in, perfectly on key until the nurse had nudged him to shut up because his Dad was scowling at him. Hiccup hadn't understood why: the man in white had asked everyone to sing and he knew he hadn't been too loud._

_Now they were out in the rain and Hiccup understood they were saying goodbye to his Mom in this grassy place with all the little cream stones in rows. He gripped the nurse's hand tighter for reassurance. Apparently her going away mean she was never coming back. That when he had found her asleep in the car, it was a sleep she would never ever wake from. He would never see her again and this was the last goodbye. So he was in a little suit of black with a black coat and scarf and shiny shoes and he felt very alone as they stood by a big shiny black wooden box over a hole surrounded by greenish carpet. There were seats and his Dad was standing by the box, a white rose in his hand. As Hiccup watched, his father laid it on the wooden box, his hand lingering on the wood for a long moment._

_"Goodbye, Val," he murmured. "Until we meet in Valhalla…"_

_The nurse had made Hiccup stand by his father and the little boy had looked up…to see his father's eyes shining. The boy had stretched his hand to try to catch his father's. "Don't be sad, Daddy," he said in his little voice. "You still have me…" But Stoick had pushed the small hand away._

_"I don't want to hold your hand," he had said coldly. "And I don't want to see you cry. You caused this. You don't get to mourn her. She was my wife. You are just…the baggage she left me with."_

_Hiccup stared up at the face and heard the anger in his father's voice. His heart broke because he felt so sad and he had been as brave as he could be but he just wanted his Dad to hug him and tell him it would be alright. His stunning emerald green eyes shone with tears and they trickled down his pale, freckled face. He bowed his head, trying to be brave but knowing he had failed his Dad again._

_"I-I'm s-sorry, D-daddy," he whimpered. "I-I just wanted to help…"_

_"Keep out of my way, boy," Stoick told him coldly as the priest began to final part of the service. "And shut up. I don't want to heart you whining or complaining or causing me any_ _distraction ever again…"_

oOo

The external alarm sounded and Gobber stared at the alert for a long moment before stabbing an interrogative into the system. The answer was very clear: A dragon was out of its pen and in the glen behind the base.

Instantly, the Colonel had activated all the protocols and called security while activating the external sensors and cameras. He also ran a base-wide scan of personnel and VID-visual identification of dragons. The results were somehow not a surprise…for the camera showed the sleek black shape of Toothless, perched on a ledge just below the huge external doors of Pen One with a familiar non-uniformed shape with messy auburn hair and a beat-up green training top on. The base com tracker confirmed that Hiccup was outside the base by the entrance to Pen One. Wearily, he contacted Colonel Spitelout Jorgensen, the base security commander and asked him to take a team to retrieve the errant Rider and Dragon.

The jeeps with the team had bounced round the perimeter and up the very rough track that led over the lip of the glen and round towards the huge brushed steel doors cut into the depression in the granite of the mountain. The road had been largely obliterated to discourage walkers and casual ramblers but it meant accessing the back door that much harder…both for maintenance and for security. But they roared up the glen and saw the two miscreants, sitting quietly as if expecting the security detail to come and take them in. Hiccup raised his pale face, his emerald eyes red and face grubby and sighed as he saw his Uncle and the guards. And Snotlout.

Gobber had suggested-well, ordered, more like-that the second in command of the Riders came along to talk to their nominal leader. As a Sergeant, Snotlout was rough and ready but he did understand military protocol and Gobber hoped he could install some of that knowledge into the teen. Spitelout pulled up alongside the two and the dragon curled his long tail around the huddled boy protectively, the fins flaring slightly in a very possessive gesture. Snotlout noticed it with a small hint of jealousy: he had wanted…no, deserved…the Night Fury as most senior officer and clearly the potential Rider with the greatest aptitude. But, no matter how much Dagur tried to deny it, Toothless had chosen Hiccup and rejected all others and they all had their own dragons now. And, though he would not admit it aloud, Snotlout wouldn't swap Hookfang for any other dragon.

There was something wretched about his cousin, the skinny useless streak of congealed piss that he was. What sort of soldier slank away and sat huddled outside like some street urchin, staring across the wintery glen in the cold? What sort of idiot broke protocol when he knew he would be discovered immediately? What fool disobeyed the General's orders that he was grounded…since there was only one way the boy and dragon could've gotten out here. So Hiccup was in huge trouble once more.

Though, to think about it, Hiccup was always in trouble. And no matter what he did or how well he performed, he never got any acknowledgement and only fielded abuse and scorn. And he wasn't a soldier: he had never undergone any training or wanted any party to the military. Instead, he had been ordered to come to a military base and forced into working in the IT department…and then the Riders when he bonded with Toothless.

He had been in more trouble than usual today, the General being much crueller to the boy than was strictly necessary.

And the General was always cruel to Hiccup. Snotlout hadn't seen his cousin for a few years after he joined up but he had been shocked how awful their relationship had been. He and his Dad had a good relationship and though they were divorced, he spoke to his Mom regularly as well. Hiccup really had no one…

Why did he think about that now?

"You'll be confined to the brig for this, boy," Spitelout had said and Snotlout snapped back to the present. His Dad was an older version of himself-jet hair, pale blue eyes, stocky body type. But his Dad lacked compassion…and occasionally Snotlout felt a pang of pity for his cousin. One of those hit now as the boy lifted his head and nodded.

"I was expecting that," he murmured wearily. "I'm sure it will make someone happy."

The note of utter despondence in his voice was gut wrenching as well and Snotlout, as insensitive as he was, knew something was appallingly wrong. He clambered from the jeep and strode to stand by his sagging cousin.

"What's up, Useless?" he asked brashly. Hiccup stared at him, eyes dark with misery and despair and he managed three words.

"It's fifteen years."

Snotlout stared at his father, his eyes widening. Spitelout frowned, already realising he needed to go see his brother. But Snotlout was more concerned about his cousin. "It's okay, Dad," he said calmly. "I'll take it from here."

"But…"

"I'm sure the lecture I will give will get the point over just fine," he said with total self-belief. "I can come in the back door." Spitelout glared at him, then nodded and, without a word, he turned the jeep and roared away, the second jeep in the security detail following swiftly. Snotlout waited until the sounds of the wheels tearing up bracken had died away before moving to settle down by Hiccup. To his credit, Toothless didn't growl at him.

"Just say what you have to," Hiccup managed hoarsely. It was obvious from his voice that he had been crying.

"I'm sorry."

Hiccup gaped, his eyes widening in shock at the words. He clasped his arms tighter around his knees and exhaled. "What have you done with the real Snotlout?" he asked.

"I am the real Snotlout and if you tell anyone, I will beat you to a bloody pulp!" the older boy told him. Hiccup sighed.

"…and there he is…"

"Seriously, cuz…you okay?"

There was a long pause.

"No," Hiccup whispered. "I-I just can't do it, Snot. Every year on this day, I feel such blackness, such grief and such shame and such awful guilt about Mom…"

"Guilt? Why the Hel are you feeling guilt? You were three, for Odin's sake!"

"Because I was asking Mom to play a tune on the CD player and I must have distracted her because when we were sideswiped, she couldn't react…" Hiccup said painfully. "I distracted her at the crucial moment…"

"Useless…she died on impact," Snotlout told him gently. "The impact where the vehicle hit her, not the crash. The driver they never caught killed her outright. _It wasn't your fault!_ "

"No, Dad always says it was," Hiccup replied wearily. "I was the reason why she died. And after that…he basically abandoned me. I really can't understand why he brought me here. He could have left me to finish High School…or make my own way in the world. I never wanted to be here."

"Well, you are, Useless, and you gotta man up," Snotlout told him practically. "I mean, moping like some pathetic girl is just totally wet!" Hiccup leaned forward, resting his chin on his knees. Toothless gave a small warble.

"Thanks, bud," he murmured. "You know, you are so lucky, Snot. Though your Mom and Dad divorced, you can always pick up the phone and your Mom will be there. I…I can barely remember mine. I was only three when I lost her and I only have fragments…just a few images and sensations…and I know she was warm and soft and she loved me. That her hair was long and I loved to suck it. That she smelled of roses and coconut and I always felt safe in her arms." He gave a small sob. "I haven't felt safe since…"

Snotlout awkwardly wrapped an arm around the younger man and felt him lean into him, head burying against his shoulder. He patted the boy's back self-consciously, knowing he had contributed to his pain. No one on the base stood up for Hiccup and most of them bullied or scorned him. And he wasn't useless because he could ride his dragon better than anyone. Hiccup was sobbing, the jerking motions of his lean back making the older boy feel uncomfortable. Snotlout hadn't cried since he was four.

"Look, you know I can't treat you any different when we're in the base, cuz…but if you are in real trouble…call me," Snotlout offered quietly. "I knew your Mom and she was a lovely, kind, gentle woman. And I am sure she would be proud of you because you are smart and you love Toothless and you know what you are doing with the exercises despite what Dagur and your Dad say!" Hiccup lifted his head, the tear-streaked face surprised.

"Are you sure you're Snotlout?" he asked softly. Toothless gave a laughing warble. Snotlout slapped him on the back of the head. "Ow!"

"If…if you ever want to talk about your Mom, speak to me," Snot offered awkwardly. "I knew her all your life and she was great. I'll dig out what pictures I have of her as well, cuz. Just…don't tell anyone else."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Hiccup said, straightening up and palming his face dry. Sighing, his cousin stood up and brushed the dirt from his fatigues.

"You coming in?" he asked.

"I'll wait until the sun sets," Hiccup said, quietly, his green eyes grateful. "Then I'll come in and take my medicine." He grimaced. "Sorry, Snot. Didn't mean to make you feel embarrassed." The stocky young man cuffed him on the back of the head gently.

"Me? Takes more than a bit of snivelling to make all this Vikingness awkward!" he said vainly. Hiccup smiled.

"That's for sure," he shot back.

"Take care, Hiccup," Snotlout said kindly and then turned and trudged back towards the small door at the back of Pen Seven, which was kept empty for emergency evacuation and access. Listening to the crunch of his steps recede, Hiccup wrapped his arm around the Night Fury and hugged him close.

"Just you and me, bud," he murmured softly. "My only friend…but maybe…I may just have a little bit of family too…" Toothless grumbled and leaned against him and they remained still as the sun slowly set over the Cairngorms. As the sky flushed with rose and gold and purple, Hiccup's eyes shone once more.

"Me again," he said quietly. "I'm sorry, Mom. Still a screw-up. Dad still hates me and blames me for your death and I'm still not sure I didn't cause it. Please forgive me if I had any part in it. I wish I could have known you better…and I wish you could've met Toothless. He's amazing…my friend, my brother, my protector…I mean…he's a dragon! How cool is that? And yet…he's the only one who gives me a chance. I hope one day I could have friend as well…and maybe someone who loves me as much as Dad loved you. Maybe…"

The sun vanished over the mountains with a flash and the glen grew darker and colder. "I'll see you again, one day, Mom," he murmured and gave a small smile as the pain in his chest eased just a little. "Until then…Toothless and I have some flying to do…" And he scrambled up, swinging his leg over the dragon's back and kicking them into the darkening sky…

oOo

Alone in his office, the bulky shape of the General stared at the two photographs in his hands. One showed his wife and he when they were first married…deliriously happy and in love; the other was the image of two parents with a newborn tiny baby with a tuft of dark auburn on his head. His lips tilted in a smile.

"Val," he murmured. "I love you. I miss you."

And he deliberately put the image of the family away in his drawer, sitting back in his chair with the picture of the newly married couple in his hand. His thumb rubbed her laughing face tenderly.

"I miss you…my love…"


	7. What happened to the geek?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Returning from Pen One, Hiccup finds himself at the mercy of Dagur...

**What happened to the geek?**

It really was a very long way to Pen One and Hiccup Haddock, reluctant rider and IT staff member was trudging alone to see his dragon along the isolated way. BERK was built into a mountain the the remote Highlands of Scotland and the main Pens were modified from naturally existing caverns in the tough granite. Pen One-the largest with the main exterior exit for the dragons, was an inconvenient distance away from the main base but Hiccup made the mile-long trek at least twice a day because Toothless, his Night Fury, was probably his best friend, the one non-judgemental person the twenty-year-old knew.

His stomach rumbled and he grimaced. He had skipped lunch…and breakfast, if he thought back…because he had not wanted to face the blizzard of abusive taunts, low level physical hazing and general scorn that met his every appearance in the mess. He was tall, lanky and too lean, his face generally amiable with very pale skin occasionally freckled, stunning forest green eyes and shaggy dark auburn hair, cut above the shoulder and wildly sticking out in all directions. But his posture was slump-shouldered and lacking in confidence, as if trying not to draw attention to himself. And unlike everyone else in the military base, he wore a pair of dark brown jeans that had seen better days, a khaki T-shirt with a green check shirt slung over. His sneakers were coming apart at the heel and the only signs he was part of the base were the ID clipped to his waistband and the wrist com round his right arm.

He lengthened his stride and tried to occupy himself by mentally revising his final conclusion for his doctorate. He had swept through his degree in less than a year and started his doctoral work before he even had his results. And because there was almost nothing else for him to do, no real friends to distract him or family that cared to spend time with him, because BERK was literally in the middle of nowhere, all he had done was work and learn how to ride his dragon. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment: he had been taunted throughout his miserable school career and now here, he was a pariah. Though he had never done anything to earn such savage disapprobation except be a skinny outsider, the son of the General, dragged from his home in small town USA to a foreign land with no discussion or choice. He hadn’t asked to be the youngest here, the only non-military member of personnel and a geek.

The passage suddenly opened ahead of him and he stopped as an enormous brushed steel door yawned up ahead of him, over six metres high and heavy enough to stop a dinosaur, Hiccup gave a small smile and pressed his left hand to the pad, staring into the iridoretinal scan and waiting for the clunk of the locks fastening to confirm his identity had been accepted. Then he walked in.

The massive space yawned over fifty feet high, a quarter of a mile long and almost as wide, the rocky lined space had a small lake, lighting from the mica roof panels and soft LED lights. Small bushes and moss made the place feel like a pleasant valley, rather than a cave. And then he heard the roar and smiled, the expression lighting his anxious expression as the familiar black shape bounded forward, knocking the young man to the ground. Sticky saliva sloshed across his face and caused his hair to stick up in all directions, his gentle laugh sounding in the pen.

“BUD! You KNOW that doesn’t wash out!” he protested, trying to push the excited dragon away. Finally, Hiccup was allowed up, dripping and delighted, his heart flying at the welcome from the only person pleased to see him. He hugged his dragon, petting and scratching him, then swiftly pulling the saddle and tail assembly out of the locker and strapping the gear into place. He had half an hour before he needed to get back and he was determined to use very minute so he threw himself into the saddle and launched. Huge black bat-like wings flapping, the Night Fury rose and them swooped and soared, flipping, looping the loop and throwing a series of dangerous and precise tricks that the daredevil rider executed with perfect accuracy. No matter how quiet and beaten down he was in the rest of his life, in Toothless’s saddle, he could be the man he was mean to be.

Finally, reluctantly, he landed, unsaddled the dragon and spent a long moment hugging him. During the flight, he had poured out his troubles, the latest pranks the twins and his cousin had played on him, the most recent encounter with Dagur, the twin of his mentor Ozzie and a man who scared and intimidated him, a man who made his flesh crawl for half-understood reasons. He retrieved a couple of cod from the cold box and fed the dragon, then gave the dragon a final rub before walking to the door.

“See ya later, bud,” he said with a smile and let himself out, the smile still playing on his lips as the door clanged shut behind him. He shook his head and started to walk to the corridor.

“Hello, brother.”

He stiffened his eyes wide with fear as his head snapped round to see Dagur emerge from the tunnel, his pale green eyes focussed on the skinny shape. Hiccup turned back to the door as Dagur’s partners in crime-Savage and Vorg-ran for the young rider, grabbing him before he could go through the exacting and time-consuming access process. He was grabbed and hauled along the side passage until they were in the isolated side tunnel parallel to the corridor to the main base. Kicking and fighting, he struggled for all he was worth until Dagur hammered his fist into his face and he sagged, stunned.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Dagur said in his sing-song voice, his face twisted in a curiously frightening expression. His fist curled and slammed into the lean shape, pounding the young rider’s body again and again.

“Dagur… _please…_ ” Hiccup begged, his voice hoarse with pain. Swaggering closer, the man leered down on the pinioned younger rider, his powerful, buff shape tense and cropped carrot hair darker in the limited lighting.

“What are you asking me for?” Dagur breathed softly, leaning closer, his big hand stroking Hiccup’s bruised face in an unsettlingly intimate gesture. Hiccup tried to pull his face back.

“Please…let me go,” Hiccup pleaded. “Please d-don’t do this…” And he grunted in pain as Dagur ruthlessly punched him in the face again…and again…and again… Hiccup gasped for breath, his head spinning.

“You don’t know how much you are disappointing me, brother,” he sneered. His fist bunched again and the blow almost knocked Hiccup unconscious. The younger man blinked blearily, sagging and spitting blood. He almost felt as if his legs wouldn’t carry him as Savage and Vorg jerked him upright.

“W-what am I-I s-supposed to have d-done?” Hiccup mumbled thickly, blood smeared over his lips and chin. “D-dagur…”

“You stole my dragon!” the man hissed, punching the younger man again. With a nod, he turned round and the others dropped him, watching the battered shape slam to the floor. “And you don’t respond to me. You need to learn that I take what I want, brother!”

Moving feebly, his body screaming protests, Hiccup raised his head and winced. He felt acutely vulnerable with three powerful men standing over his prone shape but he had to defy them. It was the only thing he had could do that would claw back the slightest shred of self-respect because, Gods knew, what Dagur was doing to him was crushing his self-worth totally. He knew with grim certainty that it couldn't make worse whatever they planned for him."You will NEVER get Toothless!" he breathed defiantly, expecting the flurry of kicks that slammed into his vulnerable shape. He curled up to protect himself but it only altered the points on his body where the kicks impacted. Trembling with pain, he lay still, awaiting the next assault, his head spinning with pain and breathing difficult with his newly-cracked ribs.

Dagur paced back and forth, his cold eyes raking the huddled shape, his hands clenching and unclenching as he fought his impulses. He hated the fact that a weak, skinny civilian had stolen the alpha dragon from under his nose by gate-crashing a hatching he should never have been in, that he had scuppered Dagur's plans and condemned him to stay in this place for years longer than intended...but then there was the other thing. Hiccup was pretty...very pretty to Dagur's eyes. The pale skin, lightly freckled and now delightfully smeared with blood and bruises...the wide green gaze, usually so innocent but now dark and fearful, as it should be...the lean, lanky shape that begged to be mastered...the shaggy auburn hair than made him want to fist it to pull the head back to expose the pale neck, now bobbing with fear...

"Strip him!" he commanded. Hiccup's head snapped up, despite the vertigo and he tried to resist as his shirt and T-shirt were torn from his body, as greedy hands fumbled at his waistband and ripped his jeans down and off, as they hauled his boxers down to his knees, exposing him. He curled up into a fetal ball, shaking visibly.

"Dagur...don't...please..." the young rider begged softly, his voice thick with the swelling from his beating and the tears he was starting to shed. He had recognised the implied threat, the unspoken lust that Dagur had always exuded. The cold air on his almost naked body was prickling his bruised skin with goosebumps and he tried to pull away as Dagur dropped beside him. His big hands grabbed Hiccup's shoulders and tried to pull him up but the boy fought, his head down and desperate. Without any compassion, he jerked his head and his two companions grabbed the young man and forced him onto his face. Hiccup was begging now, endlessly repeating the words "Please, don't..." as if his life depended on it.

The younger man's terror was arousing Dagur-as if he needed more excuse as he looked at the beautiful wounds on Hiccup's pale body. He was skinny, his ribs visible as he heaved his too fast breaths and back bones a little too proud. Almost reverently, Dagur stretched out a hand and caressed his behind...and Hiccup gave a strangled gasp and tried to jerk away. Dagur grinned nastily and unzipped his fly, shoving his pants down.

"It's alright, brother," he said soothingly. "You know you want this as well..."

"If I wanted this, you wouldn't have to ambush me, beat me almost unconscious and hold me down," Hiccup whimpered. "Please, Dagur...don't do this. I don't want this. I never wanted this." Dagur grabbed the younger man's hips with a ruthless expression on his face.

"I do," he growled.

oOo

**_[Noncon/rape]_ **

It all became a mismatched collection of sensations and fragments, of memories he never wanted but knew instinctively he would never lose... Hiccup screamed, his body tensing against the violent intrusion, trying to pull away, trying anything to stop the assault, escape the abuse. Savage grabbed Hiccup's hair and slammed his head twice against the concrete floor, almost knocking the younger man unconscious. Seeing stars, his vision greying, all Hiccup could do was scream at the pain, the sounds of Dagur taking his pleasure loud in the quiet corridor. He cringed as he felt Dagur haul his head up, felt the man's mouth slide over his neck, his tongue working at the angle of his throat, pulling his face round to press his mouth onto his and force his tongue into him. He tried to pull away but Dagur plundered his mouth as brutally as he was plundering the rest of his body.

Dagur was murmuring filth into his ears, reminding the younger man how much he wanted and needed Dagur, how the man had read the 'signs' in his posture and words and knew how much Hiccup desired to be taken by Dagur. How much he claimed Hiccup had sought this. But he moaned and begged and pleaded the man to stop because he never had and never would. And Dagur had responded by biting his shoulder deeply, drawing blood and another scream from the desperate rider.

There was nothing left he could do as the assault grew more urgent, the motions savage and deep and utterly merciless. His screams more desperate as Dagur finally finished, the victim gave a final desolate cry as his head was cracked into the floor once more and he felt his vision slipping. Going limp and almost unconscious, he felt Dagur finally move away.

_**[End]** _

"Do you want a turn?" Dagur asked aimlessly, refastening his pants. Hiccup heard the words faintly with an inner shudder and a prayer to Odin. Savage and Vorg rose and he wondered if he was going to be raped again by either or both...but they just walked away.

"He's yours, Dagur," Savage said acceptingly. "And he put up a good show. Maybe next time..."

_Please, Odin, please, Thor...don't let there be a next time. Ever._

 

“As you wish,” Dagur said, rising to his feet and kicking the shivering Hiccup on the hip. “Clean yourself up, brother. I prefer my bitches in good order…”

“Shouldn’t have beaten me to a pulp then…” Hiccup breathed, earning another brutal kick. Dagur started to walk away, snapping his fingers to get his colleagues to follow.

“That mouth will get you into trouble, brother,” he sneered. “And I _will_ get that dragon…”

And with that, he was gone, leaving the almost naked and blood-smeared shape lying alone in the cold side-tunnel. Finally, as soon as he was sure the steps had receded, Hiccup buried his head him the crook of his arms and began to sob wildly, his entire body shaking with grief and pain and utter, utter shame. Even crying hurt, every wound screaming at him. He felt as if he couldn’t breathe and wanted no one to ever see him again.

But finally, he ran out of tears and he knew he had to move. With grim determination, he dragged up his boxers and managed to wrestle his pants up. He could feel blood smeared between his legs, his entire bottom half hurting and the searing pain in his ass overwhelming. But he crawled to his other clothes and painfully dragged them on. Finally, he tried to get to his feet. His legs buckled and it took him three attempts, his legs like jelly and head spinning. He paused, doubled up and threw up.

Heaving wore him out, the exertions stabbing pain through his wretched shape. But he straightened up and began the long and painful stumble back to his room. There was no way he would call for help, no one he could call for help anyway. He concentrated on the simple mechanics of walking, a skill so complex he could almost not manage it. But it meant he had no room to consider what had just happened, what he had endured…and who had done it. So he stumbled and staggered, his legs wavering. He felt utterly wretched, in horrible pain and totally worthless. But he walked on regardless, making the main base, continuing along the lower levels until he found the stairs to the habitation level. These almost killed him, three flights technically beyond his battered body’s capability. He ended up crawling to the top, his face ashen in pain and levering his broken shape to his feet before he managed to stumble to his door. Awkwardly, he let himself in, then carefully locked the door and collapsed to his knees.

Shedding his clothes, he stumbled into the tiny en suite, slapping the shower on and standing under the warm jet, the water sluicing blood and other fluids from his battered and savaged shape. His legs wobbling, he forced himself to wash his body, forced himself to wash his hair and push the dark mass from his face, forced himself to wash every trace of the man’s touch from his body. And then he slid down, shoulders shuddering again as he curled up and wept, allowing the water to wash away his tears until the shower went cold, when he finally shut the water off. And then he finally got to his feet and stumbled to the cabinet, lifting a razor and fumbling the little blade free, holding the metal in his water-shrunken fingers as it gleamed in the lights. Trembling, he pressed the painfully sharp edge against the old white scars inside his right wrist, feeling the sharp pain as his skin parted, the red well of blood from his body from the shallow cut…

…and he cringed inwardly, images flashing across his memory, of the only time he had surrendered to despair before, to the days in that place, where he had been abandoned like trash to rot in the kind of Hel only a public institution could create…

_…the fear of being cornered, of him taking him to the office, of him touching him, him pushing him back, him pushing fingers in…and other things never meant to go there…of hot breaths and sloppy unwanted kisses and the same pain he felt now, over and over…of despair curling his entire being into knots…of the only possible release as he cut into his flesh over and over, watching blood drip down and ease the excoriating shame at enduring such appalling abuse…of the realisation all he achieved was more damage and more victory for them…of being finally rescued without a word of apology or concern or interest…of having to deal with the memories on his own as usual…_

He remained there, tears dripping from his cheeks, his shoulders shaking with misery and he dropped the blade, watching the little trickle of blood until he wrapped his hand over the shallow cut until it dried. And then he crawled to his bed, pulled the covers over his beaten shape and buried his face in the pillow. Again, he felt tears slide over his swollen flesh and he curled up as tight as he could, wishing he should vanish and never face anyone ever again.

He regained consciousness as the lock clicked and his body tensed in terror. If Dagur came to see him now, there was literally nothing he could do about it. He was completely helpless, naked and wracked with pain. And no one would care or check on him.

Wishing he could die and end it.

It would be so easy...just another cut, deeper and longer than the others...no one would bother to check on him until it would be far too late...and no one would even care...

_...except Toothless, his buddy, his only friend...he wouldn't understand why Hiccup never returned, why the human he chose was so much of a coward that he chose nothing rather than the most amazing creature on the planet..._

_...why the person he loved had abandoned him..._

_...like Hiccup had been abandoned...it had hurt so much..._

_...he couldn't do that to Toothless..._

Sobs wracked his beaten shape, hurting worse than the blows that had battered him earlier. It was just so hard, enduring the shame, the hatred, the pain every day...but for Toothless, he would try. He would go on...for those precious minutes when they were together...

_...when they flew...and anything was possible..._

The door opened and a bulky shape peered round. He shrank back in fear: his father would be even worse than Dagur and he wasn’t sure he could endure the scorn of his disappointed father who would inevitably make it seem as if it was _Hiccup’s_ fault he was ambushed, beaten up and raped. But the shape entered the room and he held his breath…

“Laddie?” There was a pause and Gobber flipped the light on, his kindly face worried-and then VERY worried as he spied the mess that Hiccup was. He slammed the door and scuttled forward, crouching by the bed and staring in shock and horror at the young man. His face was black and blue with an eye swollen and almost closed, a huge cut on his cheek, three huge contusions on his forehead, purple and swollen, split lip, swollen and bruised chin and hickies on his neck. There were horrible bruises on his shoulders, chest and arms and a nasty bite on his shoulder. “Gods, boy-what th’ Hel happened tae ye?” Hiccup shook his head, his face crumpling.

“Please…don’t ask,” he whimpered, his voice hoarse from screaming.

“Laddie…ye’ve bin missed,” Gobber told him gently. “Ozzie was getting a wee bit worried. Yer father was angry ye missed yer report tae him. And the other riders are…well, outta control…”

“They have other officers who should keep them in line,” Hiccup rasped painfully. “Why is it my fault when I have no rank at all? None of them respect me…or do anything I ask. I shouldn’t be in charge. Please…let me sleep…”

“Hmm…” the Colonel said quietly. “How long have ye bin in here, laddie?” Hiccup closed his eyes.

“Just after lunch,” he murmured. The older man winced.

“Ye’ve missed supper,” he murmured.

“Not hungry,” Hiccup rasped.

“Laddie…Dagur did this, didn’t he?” Gobber didn’t wait for an answer as Hiccup painfully pushed himself up in a sitting position, shifting position with a flinch and grimace of pain. The final piece fell into place. “Oh, laddie, ye cannae let this go.” Hiccup looked up, his battered face utterly desolate.

“And what will happen then?” he asked in a hoarse whisper. “Dagur and his friends will claim I begged him, claim it was consensual, claim I begged him to rape me…and beating me half to death was part of the fun. So security will just humiliate me with a load of personal questions, will humiliate me in front of the base and then let Dagur off. If I’m even more lucky, they’ll do a very invasive examination first before they utterly shame me. No.”

“Then at least let Gothi treat ye, laddie,” the Colonel begged. Hiccup shook his head.

“I’m not going to the infirmary because it would just egg Dagur on, validate what he’s done.” The head was bowed now and the skinny shape was shaking.

“I can get her tae come here, laddie,” Gobber offered desperately and Hiccup slumped onto the pillows, grimacing and hugging the pillow against the groan threatening to escape his lips. He closed his eyes and gave a tiny nod of the head. Gently, Gobber gently ran his hand through the tousled hair and painfully, Hiccup leaned towards him…and suddenly, Gobber was dragging the young man into a powerful hug. He could resist for only a second before collapsing into Gobber’s bulky shape, sobbing piteously, his head buried against Gobber’s shoulder.

“I’m s-sorry, G-gobber,” he whimpered. “I-I am j-just so useless…” Gobber hugged him ferociously.

“Laddie…it isnae yer fault,” he soothed the young man, gentling his hair and hugging him tenderly. He loved the young man like a son and had since the boy’s mother had died when he was a tiny child of three, when he had been abandoned by his father to nurses and neglect. “Trust me, son,” he murmured. “I am here for ye…”

Finally, Hiccup finished sobbing, subsiding to sniffs and gulps. He nodded. “Th-thanks, Gobber,” he sighed and slid back onto his bed. “I-I’d like Gothi to h-help…if she can spare the t-time…” His pitiful lack of confidence and self-worth made Gobber want to shake the boy but his instincts told him that Hiccup was so vulnerable right now that he would barely cope with even Gobber’s default level of sarcasm. He hugged him again and gently stroked the boy’s face once more.

“I’ll be back soon,” he promised and left, locking the door. And, true to his word, he was back in ten minutes with the small but purposeful shape of the head of the medical services, Major Gothi. She was well past sixty and had lost her ability to speak except using a mechanical voice but she was kind and caring. And she had known Hiccup since he came, recognising a young man abused and failed by everyone who should have loved and protected him. She frowned as she saw him and hastened forward, her face distraught at his beaten state.

She murmured a few questions, mechanical and cold due to her voice synthesiser but softened by the concern in her eyes. Exhausted by pain and despair, he answered her honestly, admitting every detail of the assault and ashamedly turning his right wrist over as well. Her eyes shone with sympathy and she carefully examined him, treating his wounds where she could, recognising his broken ribs, the heavy bruising, the concussion that should never have been left. She did far more for him than she should outside the infirmary, sewing his cuts and binding ribs and a sprained wrist. And giving him every last ounce of psychological support that she could.

Gobber watched with anger and quietly resolved to watch Dagur far more closely. He moved Toothless to the main pens and ensure Hiccup had a unique one-touch access facility to prevent him being cornered outside the pens again. Hiccup remained in his room for two days, his meals brought carefully by Gobber and Gothi who visited him three times a day. But no one else did: not even his father or his cousin. And though he considered harming himself again, he stared at the single fresh scar on his wrist and the charcoal image of Toothless on his wall and kept his fists clenched but resisted.

After two days, he emerged to return to his duties, still battered and beaten. His swelling had gone down a little but it was impossible to imagine looking at the huge contusions on his face that anything had happened to him other than a brutal beating. But he sneaked into the back of the Mess and grabbed a breakfast. Gothi had been very insistent: he was underweight and he couldn’t afford to skip meals, no matter how hard it was to go to the mess. But as he settled in the corner, tucking quietly into his bacon and egg, the riders swept in, noisily pushing past the support staff and grabbing their food rudely from the servers. Snotlout cast a glance at the corner and saw the slumped shape. He gave a cruel smirk.

“What happened to the geek?” he asked, his sharp eyes picking out the horrible welts on the young rider’s face. There was the faintest hint of concern on his voice, because Hiccup was his cousin and even Snotlout realised there were limits. But Dagur nudged him with a grin.

“I think he’s been getting exactly what he wanted and deserved,” he scoffed and Hiccup cringed, curling in on himself. Snotlout paused for another second…then dismissed the thought.

“Well, it’s only Useless,” he said airily. “So let’s see…what’s for breakfast?”


	8. Umblemished Reflection Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following directly on from 'What Happened to the geek?'. Hiccup finds that the one person closest to his tormentor is the one person he can rely on...

**Unblemished Reflection.**

It was quiet in IT Lab Two, which was why Hiccup headed here instead of the main IT centre. Back in the centre, the crew would be greeting him, cheery banter flying and he just couldn't weather that right now. There would be questions, looks and whispers. He knew Will would respect him but Gray probably wouldn't and certainly Viktor, Xiu and Raoul would pick at him until he broke or had to leave. And he knew his line manager, his boss wouldn't take no for an answer. So here he was, the other side of the administration area, slinking into the secondary IT sector like a truant. Head down, not meeting any eyes as he walked to the furthest station from the door, he logged in and quietly scanned his emails and internal coms. And then he sighed: there were about a dozen from Ozzie, increasingly worried and direct. He paused, fingers hovering over the touch-keys and then he fired a very bland response: _I'm okay. Just under the weather._

He had pulled up his conclusions from his doctoral thesis-it had been one of the few things that had kept him sane during his recuperation, mentally revising the section over and over until he finally reached the perfect wording-and his fingers flew over the keypad, the words flashing up as he logged the final version. Despite everything he had endured, he managed a tiny smile, his forest green gaze warming as he clicked SAVE and cracked his neck. There were few parts of him that weren't stiff and didn't hurt...and the chair wasn't very comfortable. He shifted his position and sighed: Gothi had given him painkillers which he was refusing to take. His father had always growled that a Viking had to be strong and though Hiccup knew he was a scrawny fishbone, there was still a tiny corner of him that wanted to make his father proud. So he endured the pain and turned back to his work with a wince.

He was revising the final paragraph and cross-checking his references when the door to the lab opened and a man entered, walking directly and rapidly towards the lean shape, hunched over the screen in the furthest corner. A hand slammed on the desk and Hiccup flinched, his wary emerald gaze rising to meet a buff, powerful shape with carrot red hair, pale green eyes and a broad face with aquiline nose: Ozzie. Hiccup cringed back, his battered face folding into an expression of terror and he pressed himself hard into the corner, his arms rising across his face to protect himself. Ozzie-Captain Oswald Oswaldson-froze, his eyes widening in shock and the scowl on his face melting into an expression of dismay. He backed up half a pace.

"Hicc?" he asked. Trembling, curled on himself, Hiccup stilled and shook his head.

"Hi, Ozzie," he murmured.

"What the Hel...?" the other man asked. "What's going on? Why didn't you call me?"

"I didn't want to see you," Hiccup admitted and slowly lowered his arms, forcing himself to look up into the familiar face and fight the conflicting emotions welling in his breast.

"But I am your friend!" the older man protested, a faint edge of anger and hurt in his voice.

"I didn't want to see Dagur," Hiccup said in a small voice, looking away. And Ozzie gaped, his quick gaze seeing the three horrible contusions on the man's forehead, the black eye, the stitches above his left eyebrow, the welts on cheek and chin, the split lip, the bruises on his neck.

"I'm not Dagur," he growled.

"You're his twin," Hiccup said quietly, still staring at the desk. "When I look at you, I see him. And just now...I-I can't..." Ozzie scowled, the expression so much of an echo of his twin that Hiccup cringed back.

"Hogwash!" Ozzie snapped. "I'm your friend! I deserved to know! I was worried about you!"

"Then please respect my wishes," Hiccup asked him faintly. Ozzie leaned closer.

"Why?" he growled. "I thought we had a deal, Hicc. I thought you'd promised to call me something happened?" Hiccup closed his eyes.

"I...couldn't..." he breathed. "N-not now..."

"I could order you to tell me!" Ozzie threatened, leaning over him and the younger man bowed his head in submission.

"Yes, you could," he said in a crushed voice, "but I wouldn't tell you." He paused. "Ozzie...you know who attacked me?"

"I presume it was my brother," Ozzie growled, still annoyed and hurt. Hiccup nodded slightly, still staring at his hands.

"Your brother. Who _looks_ pretty exactly like you. Who _sounds_ pretty exactly like you...especially at the moment. And when you lean over me and threaten me...you _act_ pretty exactly like him as well." Ozzie's eyes widened and he backed away, his expression suddenly guilty.

"Hicc...I can't help how I look!" he protested.

"But you can help how you act," Hiccup said wearily.

"He's beaten you up before," Ozzie pointed out and Hiccup's face snapped up at that, the green eyes suddenly bright with anger.

"And?" The tone was just snarky enough to irritate Ozzie more.

"You didn't act like this before!" he challenged.

"And how should I act?" Hiccup asked bitterly. "I never asked to come here. I got more or less dragged along like luggage when my father moved here. I end up in a foreign country as the only civilian on the base, the youngest by years and practically imprisoned here. Everyone else my age gets to graduate High School...though that wouldn't have been much fun, to be honest...and then go to University and shape their own future. Instead, the best I can hope is a distance learning degree and doctorate and then remain locked up here in my private Hel. I have no friends, no one I can trust and I am abused, demeaned and beaten up almost every fucking day! This time...this time I had to endure the worst beating I have ever taken...at one point, I really believed your brother was going to kill me...and so, is it any wonder I don't wanna stare into his damned face, leering over me when I am feeling like shit and vulnerable as Hel?"

"Self pity won't get you anywhere, Haddock!" Ozzie growled, stung at the speech. "You have me...and Gobber. If you don't call us, how the fuck can we help you? But it's all self-pity. _Poor little Hiccup_! All alone in the base! All bullied and picked on! No one on his side at all..."

"Fuck off, Ozzie!" Hiccup said bitterly, turning away. "I asked you to leave me alone. I told you what happened. Last thing I need is you massaging your wounded pride because I didn't call you. I don't want you here. I don't need you here. If all you're gonna do is pick holes in me, then you can leave!"

"I am your commanding officer!" Ozzie shouted at him.

"Sorry, won't work. I'm not a soldier!" Hiccup shot back, his face pale between the bruises and eyes deeply hurt.

"Shut the fuck up!" Ozzie shouted in his face and grabbed his shoulders. Hiccup instantly went still, eyes widening and shoulders rigid with fear. But Ozzie was too furious to notice. "You wanna be alone-FINE! I'll leave you alone. I won't bother if you're in or if you're fine or if my twin brother is kicking the shit out of you every fucking day. But as you weren't in the infirmary, you were absent without leave for two days-and that's a disciplinary matter! I want you in my office in one hour!" And he shoved the younger man back, turning away sharply and stamping to the door. Hiccup watched him go, trembling...and then felt the eyes of the other two people in the lab staring at him.

"Don't worry," he said in a shaky voice. "It's just Hiccup the Useless screwing up his only remaining friendship." He gave a humourless smile. "At least then I'll have a full house."

oOo

Ozzie was steaming...for about two minutes. It was one of his flaws, he knew: a temper that flared and robbed him of his rationality and compassion and subsided as quickly, leaving him usually with a healthy jolt of shame and guilt at what he had said during his rage. He had promised himself that he wouldn't go for Hiccup because he knew the younger man had really had it tough and tended to be far more defensive than he should be because he had been forced to endure on his own for so long. And he knew his brother was weird and sadistic and very psychopathic...and that Dagur was unhealthily obsessed with Hiccup. The twins didn't really get on that well...but they talked most days and Ozzie knew Dagur had some pretty sick fantasies about the younger rider. Some of them very, very graphic. He paused and peered back at the door of IT/2 and felt a shiver run down his spine.

Had Dagur finally acted on his fantasies?

He paused and almost turned back...but now his head was clearing, he could analyse his friend's reactions...and he felt his stomach twist in nausea at the implications. Hiccup had cringed back at his appearance, had froze in terror at his touch and had lashed out desperately when Ozzie had attacked him verbally. He had attacked Hiccup verbally. Gods, that was something he had sworn never to do as well. Then he forced himself to turn away, heading not for his office but down a level to the Operations Office. Without any hesitation, he knocked and opened the door when the brogue invited him in. Ozzie let himself in and faced Gobber across his desk. The Colonel looked up and his thick blond unibrow dipped, his bald head shining in the soft light and long moustache moving as he inspected the newcomer.

"What's on yer mind, Captain?" he asked, using Ozzie's proper rank.

"Specialist Haddock," Ozzie said, using Hiccup's official name. Gobber's cold blue eyes narrowed and he gestured to the chair opposite. Ozzie sat as directed, though he was clearly tense and the worried.

"What's on yer mind, Captain?" Gobber repeated thoughtfully. Ozzie grimaced.

"What happened to him?" he asked directly. Gobber's eyes narrowed and he winced. "Sir," he added.

"He didnae tell ye?" Ozzie shook his head.

"No. In fact he told me to...go away," he said and his tone was harder than he had intended.

"Not surprised," Gobber admitted. Ozzie leaned forward.

"Sir...Hiccup has been clearly badly hurt...but he wasn't in the infirmary. And there has been nothing on security! I know. I checked when there was no sign of him for two whole days and he wasn't answering my emails or coms..." His tone was concerned. With a huge sigh, Gobber sat back and absently rotated his hook prosthesis.

"He didn't want to go," Gobber told him softly. "He was ashamed and hurt. And ye knew who hurt him?" Ozzie nodded.

"My brother," he sighed heavily. "What did he do now?"

"Ye don't wanna know," Gobber told him shortly. Immediately, Ozzie shot to his feet and leaned forward, his hands flat on the desk.

"Yes, I do," he said in a low voice, his eyes suddenly worried. "Because whatever he did to Hiccup was so horrible he's shutting down, trying to shut me out so he can wallow and drown in his misery. It's not healthy, Gobber."

"Ye think I don't know that, lad?" Gobber's face was stricken. "He's so alone...and there is nae thing I can do to help him." He paused and his eyes darkened. "He cut himself as well, Captain. Just once...but he was utterly broken. I worry fer him!"

"What did he do?" Ozzie demanded. With a roll of the eyes, Gobber rubbed his nose and sighed.

"He ambushed Hiccup outside Pen One, knowing the security protocols take so long he could nae run inside and seek protection from Toothless. Knowing Pen One is isolated and nae one would overhear. Knowing nae one would come to help. Knowing they had as long as they wanted tae do what they intended tae that poor boy."

"Gobber...what did he do?"

"They definitely beat him...unprovoked, very brutal. He's had a concussion, broken ribs...Gothi thought maybe bruised kidneys as well. But as well..." Gabber's eyes darted elsewhere in the room, unable to meet the other man's eyes. Finally, he sagged. "Dagur raped him."

There was silence. Ozzie felt his stomach knot and nausea rise in his throat. Hiccup's reaction became plain as day, his terror, his desire not to see the face of the man who had...hurt him so personally. To look at the face that had leered at him as he fought a desperate, losing battle. To relive the assault...

"Gods."

"Exactly me thought, Captain," Gobber told him. "Ye see his problem? Yer about his only friend...and yer the image of the man who harmed him so badly."

"He should have said."

"Yer know Hiccup. Boy's stubborn as a rock. He wouldn't gae ter security because he reckoned they'd nae believe him and the investigation would utterly humiliate him...and Dagur's cronies would claim Hiccup begged fer it."

"But his injuries? Wouldn't they count?"

"The lad is so abused, d'ye think he'd cope with all they'd do, all they'd put him through tae investigate? And what if it were known? D'ye think his father would give him any sympathy? Or would he just completely scorn and disown his disappointing son? Tae Stoick, that his son could be _raped_ would just be a mark of his inadequacy. Hiccup's...not Stoick's as a father in failing tae protect his son and prevent the level of abuse the boy has tae endure!"

"I knew his father was unsupportive but..."

"Stoick would rip him tae pieces fer being so weak!" Gobber said strongly, his eyes flashing with anger. "The boy is hanging on...just...but he really has nothing left. Yer his only friend here. The riders are foul tae him. D'ye think the others would make his life anything but a constant Hel if they knew? D'ye think he wouldn't seriously consider ending his life?"

"Gobber...I never knew..."

"Why would ye? I've known the boy since he were a wee nipper o' three. When his Mother died, Stoick more or less abandoned the bairn then. I did what I could but I were away as well. And he was bullied and humiliated through much of his schooling. And he's a bright and funny and sarcastic and frankly brilliant young man...he's just nae bulky and big. I watched him since he came here...and seen him begin to break, piece by piece. And he canna see any way outta here! His father will nae let him go and you are his only friend. I think if he didnae ha' Toothless, he would already have found somewhere quiet and ended it."

"Shit." Guilt was making Ozzie feel very sick now. He had his brother and sister, his friends and comrades in IT, one of the Vet techs was making some very pleasant advances towards him that he was really interested in exploring and he had a cordial relationship with pretty much everyone in the base. But his friend...was universally despised because he wasn't a soldier, just the son of the base commander, foisted on them to deal with. No one gave him a chance. Ozzie couldn't even recall when they started calling him Useless but the name had eroded what little confidence Hiccup had possessed. And he considered: Ozzie had volunteered because the rest of his family had and he was military and proud of it. Hiccup had, in his own words, been dragged along like unwanted luggage.

_And felt like it ever since._

"Anything else I should know, sir?" he asked quietly. Gobber shook his head.

"Laddie will tell ye when he's ready," he sighed. "Be gentle with him, will ye? he's like a son tae me...though all he wants is to make his Dad proud. And that isnae gonna happen before Ragnaraok!" Ozzie rose and saluted.

"Thank you, sir," he said in a thoughtful voice. "I wish I'd known this before I saw him this morning." Suddenly, Gobber was glaring at him and he felt his cheeks flush slightly.

"What did ye say?" he demanded. Turning to the door, Ozzie have a huge sigh.

"Precisely the wrong thing," he admitted. "Something I need to address now before my friend can do something very stupid."


	9. Unblemished Reflection Part 2

The walk along the corridor was horrible, a journey filled with guilt and shame. Ozzie knew now that his anger had all been selfish, about his own hurt feelings and completely ignoring the misery and despair his friend had felt, the pain he had been suffering which Ozzie had worsened. The reasons for his fear and withdrawal had become abundantly clear and Ozzie closed his eyes in regret. He should have known.

Back in his office, he sat back and flicked through Hiccup's personnel file, reminding himself of how young, how inexperienced and lonely the boy had been when he arrived...and of the almost shy and hopeful young man he first met. Gods, he had been a stick, thin and lanky and clumsy, his dark auburn hair and bright eyes unusual enough and very different to the massive bear of a man their flame-haired General was. A smile tilted his lips and he recalled their first meeting, the way the young man had introduced himself with a stammer, his green eyes bright with optimism as the older man had shaken his hand firmly and welcomed him to his department. The way Hiccup had flung himself into his new duties with gusto, working ferociously long hours and ripping through his degree course as if it were a particularly easy High School module. And he had been sarcastic, funny and reliable.

Until he took the wrong turn and ended up in the hatching pit, accidentally bonding with the alpha dragon, the famed and much anticipated Night Fury that his own brother had targeted. Dagur had beaten the boy then, only saved by the little dragon. And in that moment, Hiccup's life had crumbled. The Riders-furious at having a civilian foisted on them-made his life Hel and treated him worse than dirt. The other Tech staff instantly blanked him for unconsciously stepping across the invisible divide and Hiccup had found himself a pariah, abandoned by everyone. His father had been furious-they had heard the screaming match halfway through the base-and the teen had responded by walking out on his father. Stock had retaliated by putting his son in the jail.

Ozzie blinked. He had forgotten how bad their relationship was, a never-ending torrent of scorn and disappointment that poured on the skinny shoulders of the auburn-haired teen. Stoick had been forced to give his son a leadership role because he rode the alpha dragon that all the others looked to...but he had gone about it wholly wrongly, dumping responsibility on the boy without any training or rank and then savagely dressing him down when no one respected his authority. It was a perfect recipe for shredding what little confidence the boy retained and it had worked perfectly, beating Hiccup almost into the ground. Only his undoubted brilliance at IT-he had gained a first class honours degree in a year-and the love of his dragon had given him the tiny scraps of self-respect to keep him going. But Dagur and his cronies had taunted, assaulted and threatened Hiccup more and more over the last two years and that had culminated in...the assault.

A knock sounded on his door and his eyes flicked up: fifty-nine minutes since he ordered Hiccup to his office. The boy was punctual, at the least. He paused then shouted "COME IN!" And warily, he did, his lean, lanky and very scruffy shape moving stiffly, a faint limp obvious to Ozzie's eye now he was looking for it. The young man stared at him blankly, his battered face neutral but his forest green eyes were dark with hurt. He was breathing too fast, the pulse bounding in his bruised neck. "Sit down, Hiccup," Ozzie said in a gentle voice. With trepidation, he perched on the edge of the seat, tense and fearful. The Captain inspected him carefully. "Speak to me, Hiccup," he invited. The younger man flicked his wounded gaze up then stared at the floor.

"I don't think there's anything left to say, sir," he murmured dully. His tone sounded utterly defeated, his shoulders slumped and hands visibly trembling. He looked broken and Ozzie felt another stab of guilt that he had reduced his friend to this wretched state. Crushing the annoyance he felt at the words, he leaned forward.

"I know, Hiccup," he said quietly and saw the younger man stare up at him, the little colour draining from his face and eyes widening in horror. Breathing hard and trying not to whimper, Hiccup's gaze slammed to the floor once more.

"Oh."

"I'm so sorry, my friend," Ozzie said gently, keeping his voice calm. "I didn't know. Hey, I never even suspected..."

"Why would you?" Hiccup asked quietly. "Who imagines that can happen to a man? Except I'm not, am I? I'm just...Useless. And I barely even count as human."

"That's not true, Hiccup," Ozzie insisted, still keeping his voice calm.

"I think you may be in a minority," Hiccup told him defeatedly. "None of the Riders consider me worthy of any consideration...even talking to me seems to be beyond them. The Tech staff blanked me the moment I bonded with Toothless. And now..." He closed his eyes.

"You should have reported it," Ozzie told him. Eyes snapping open wide and mouth agape, Hiccup's head shot up.

"NO!" he said definitely. "That would...be the end. If my father finds out...if the Riders find out...oh, Gods, I really couldn't endure that..."

"But if security aren't involved, then it will happen again," Ozzie told him with concern. Hiccup shuddered and wrapped his arms around his abused body, his chin dropping to his chest.

"P-probably what I deserve..." he muttered hopelessly. Ozzie rose and walked round to face Hiccup and he winced as the younger man cringed back.

"No," he said softly. "You don't deserve it. No one does. And if security won't help, then I will." He stared at Hiccup. "Go back to work, Hiccup. I want the Firewall modification protocols revised and ready by end of play." Defeatedly, Hiccup nodded and rose.

"I'm sorry, sir," he said quietly and left, Ozzie's pale green eyes trailing after him. Then his powerful hands tightened into fists and he lifted his head. He turned and stabbed at the computer voice-access control.

"Location of Rider Dagur Oswaldson."

"Rider Dagur Oswaldson is in the Gymnasium."

"Okay, brother...time we had a little chat..."

oOo

Hiccup had skipped lunch despite Gothi's orders because he couldn't face the taunts and scorn of his fellow Riders and his stomach was aching with hunger. He was considering sneaking into the Rec Room to grab a muffin or chocolate bar while they were all eating when the door to the lab slammed open and Ozzie entered. Hiccup glanced up...and then leapt to his feet, his eyes wide with shock.

Ozzie's face was bruised, a cheek swollen with bruising and lip split. There was blood on his shirt and his knuckles were swollen and split. He was stumbling slightly and despite his own injuries, Hiccup pulled out a chair and grabbed him, helping him into the seat and offering his can of diet cola to press against his superior's swollen lip. Ozzie accepted with a small grin and sat back with a sigh.

"What-what happened?" Hiccup asked warily, sitting cautiously on his seat. Ozzie worked his jaw for a moment and then shrugged.

"I had a talk with my brother," he said calmly and Hiccup visibly stiffened. "About you." The younger man curled up, pressing his hands to his forehead and moaning.

"Sorry," he breathed.

"I'm not," Ozzie said strongly, taking a long pull from the can. "Eurgh! Can't think how you can drink this poison? Got any beer?"

"What?"

"Beer. You know...fermented barley, hops...oh, never mind. Look, Hicc. I know my brother...and I know he's a crazy, weird sonovabitch. How I ended up with him beats me...but I do know him-better than anyone else. So when I want to talk to him, I know what I'm getting into. And I know how to deal with him. I'm army trained as well so I can defend myself if it gets...physical... And I know which buttons to push to drive him insane...or stun him into silence..."

"Oh Gods," Hiccup breathed as his eyes inspected the bruised shape. Despite his obvious injuries, Ozzie was looking pretty chipper.

"Yeah. Okay, so he never takes it well...but I have things on him that no one else has and I know what to do with them...and before you start worrying, if anything happens to me, the requisite people get the information with corroboration and affidavits automatically. And he knows it as well!"

"Um...what did you do?" Hiccup asked him, his forest green gaze narrowing as Ozzie grinned.

"Ordered him off you," he said definitely. "Oh, I can't stop the odd blow...but anything like what...happened...either part...will trigger my revenge. And that will lose Dagur everything he cares about. We have an accord. He'll back off."

The younger man stared at him, his throat working and eyes shining with tears, despite him dropping his head to hide his face behind shaggy auburn bangs. Ozzie glanced across the room. "Rest of you-out. NOW! I need a private word!" he growled and the other two techs scuttled from he room. The two men remained motionless until the door slammed shut. "You're safe," Ozzie said softly.

Hiccup broke, tears sliding over bruised cheeks and sobs wracking his battered shape. His hands flew up to press over his face, to hide his tragic eyes and his body shook with grief. Very carefully, Ozzie leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the lean shape...and Hiccup leaned back, shuddering. And then his face buried into Ozzie's shoulder and he felt the tears soaking into his uniform. "Shh, shh...it'll be okay, Hicc. I won't let him attack you again...please...I'm so sorry he hurt you..."

"Sorry..." Hiccup whimpered, pressed against his friend. Ozzie hugged him harder and he flinched.

"Broken ribs. Sorry," Ozzie realised. Hiccup nodded slightly. "Look, you idiot...you should've told me...even if you told me you didn't wanna see me, you could've told me who had done this because I have just kicked the shit out of him! You are my friend, Hicc, and I won't let him terrorise you any more."

"C-can't stop it," Hiccup whimpered. "S-sorry, Ozzie. I'm just so Useless. N-no one here sees me as anything other than a worthless animal to be taunted and beaten and abused. And I-I know I-I'm not m-much of a m-man but I-I _am_ a human being and I do h-have feelings and n-no one c-cares that I am in pain and alone and just w-want to d-die..."

"Hiccup...you are my friend and I won't let them harm you any more. Please...believe me," Ozzie sighed and Hiccup slowly pulled away, swiping at his damp face with a crumpled sleeve. In a second, Ozzie grabbed his wrist and shoved the sleeve up to reveal the single fresh cut over the even white scars of his previous despair. "And please...no more," he begged, his face stricken. He knew of his friend's scars. "It kills me inside to think you see...that as the only option when you have people who care. Dammit, Hicc! All you do is help the bastard out!"

"S-sorry..." The voice was muffled. Ozzie sighed, feeling the sobs subsiding.

"Look, I care for you...not in that way, of course...I-I think of you as my little brother..."

Hiccup abruptly pulled away and snatched his hand against his chest. " _NO!_ " he snapped, his eyes wild. "No! That's what he calls me! Gods, please NEVER use that word to me. I-I can't cope with it. I can't cope with the memories!"

"I-I'm sorry," Ozzie said urgently. "Gods damn him! How can he manage to screw so much up and still come up smelling of roses?"

"You just come from a talented family," Hiccup muttered. Ozzie flicked a glance at him, recognising the finest flash of his sarcastic humour.

"Yeah, well he can enjoy dragon dung duty for the next month," Ozzie smirked. "I've also amended the rosters." Frowning very slightly, Hiccup flicked his eyes up. "Yeah, computers. Gotta love 'em."

"If not, you're in the wrong job," Hiccup noted, his voice a little firmer. Ozzie have a small laugh and then winced, pressing the can back against his swollen lip.

"Oww..." he whined. "Shit. This hurts!"

"Always does," Hiccup noted tonelessly. Ozzie sighed and sat back.

"Are we good?" he asked cautiously. Hiccup glanced up and his face moved into a small smile.

"Um...you don't look so much like him now," he admitted.

"Actually, I really do, but I appreciate the sentiment!" Ozzie shot back. "Look, I'll grow a beard or get an earring or tattoo or something, okay?"

"Not a tattoo!" Hiccup winced.

"Shame...I was thinking a nice Maori facial tattoo would do me fine..."

"Eurgh!"

"Look, Hicc...I can't guarantee he won't do anything...but I have warned him off," Ozzie said in a low voice. "Keep away from him as much as you can. Go to the pens with someone else. And call me when you're going to the Mess. I know you don't go because you hate the taunting...but I will go with you. I need my assistant fed and not beaten up." And he smirked again as he saw the younger man's eyes widen and head snap up.

"Assistant?" There was more caution in Hiccup's tone than Ozzie liked and he almost felt insulted...but he ruthlessly reminded himself that this was Hiccup, the member of staff who had been taunted and abused far too much. His ability to trust was almost completely eroded and Ozzie instinctively knew he had been promised things in the past-probably far too often-that never materialised.

"You're submitting your Thesis this week, aren't you?" he asked. Hiccup nodded, snatching a self-conscious look at the computer. "Now I know for a fact, as your supervisor, that it will pass. You'll be called for interview to defend your Thesis-but that will be a formality because the work is brilliant. So why should I not appoint as my assistant and second-in-command a soon-to-be-minted Doctor of Software Engineering who knows more about our systems than I do?"

For a moment, Ozzie thought his friend would argue but instead he stared at the floor for a long moment before shyly raising his wide green gaze to meet the grin. "You-you mean it?" he asked roughly. Ozzie nodded.

"Look, you're the brightest here by a country mile," he admitted. "You're better than I am already. And I know the rest of the team-sarky bastards-will eventually admit you're the one they look to when they're stuck. Remember?" Hiccup nodded quietly. "Oh, c'mon, man!" Ozzie exclaimed. "At least say yes!" His bruised lips lifting, Hiccup gave a small nod.

"Um...yes..." he said quietly. Ozzie clapped him across the shoulder, drawing a yelp from the younger man.

"Thank Thor!" he sighed. "And to celebrate, we're off to the village. Tonight." Hiccup paled. "No, I'm not taking any excuses. Hicc-you're my friend and I am inviting my friend to come down to the pub with me to celebrate his Thesis submission and his promotion."

Hiccup stared into the eyes of his friend and swallowed hard, blinking back unexpected tears of happiness. There was still the lingering, horrible black feeling of hopelessness and despair, the pain from his wounds and unbearable shame that he could be so abused and violated by another man...but it was tempered by the knowledge that Ozzie had stood up for him. That Ozzie had faced down Dagur for him. That Ozzie had chosen to fight his own brother to protect him. And that was something that no one had _ever_ done for Hiccup. No one had ever valued him enough to fight anyone on his behalf. And that knowledge...that he was valued enough for that kind of action...bolstered his shredded confidence and failing courage. Instinctively, he knew that he would take a very long time to process and come to terms with what had been done to him...what had been taken from him...but he knew he had to try. He could face this out and eventually come through. If he had Gobber and Toothless...and Ozzie at his side, he could endure whatever BERK threw at him. He would not break. He would survive.

"Th-thanks," he managed. "Thanks...my friend."


	10. Shoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup has a very embarrassing problem and only Stoick can help him. But will he?

**Shoes.**

He had put it off as long as he possibly could but it had finally reached the point where he couldn't defer any more. So he had followed protocol to the letter and made an appointment to see his father.

In another world-or if he was a normal person looking at the nightmare that his life was-he would be shaking his head at the madness of having to book in to see his own father. And astonished that he had such a deficient relationship that the man never saw him voluntarily, never spent any time with him and steadfastly refused to spare him the smallest moment for any personal or family matter. But he lived in the madness that was B. E. R. K., a skinny eighteen year old locked up in an isolated and top secret base where military and dragons worked and trained together. And then there was him.

He ran a hand nervously through his shaggy auburn hair. It was messy, a little too long and he felt very self-conscious. There wasn't much of Hiccup that hadn't been the subject of taunts and cruel comments and he felt his heart hammering as he reached over and knocked on the door. The deep voice growled for him to come in at once and he quietly entered, turning to close the door and then walk to stand before the huge, glass deck and the large shape sitting behind it. Stoick was in his General's uniform, uniform jacket on and a scowl on his large face. His flaming hair was cropped short but his huge braided beard covered his chin and upper chest. His cold grey-green eyes inspected the slumped-shouldered, skinny teen standing in front of him, his forest green eyes wary as he faced his father.

"For Odin's sake, stand up straight, boy!" he growled. Hiccup gave a faintly hurt look but pulled his shoulders back, his skinny frame straightening with the action. Stoick snorted: the boy looked a mess, in scruffy jeans, T-shirt with a green check shirt over and black converse. His hair was in need of a cut and Stoick's face twitched in disapproval. He glared at his son. "Speak, boy! I don't have all day!"

"Actually, I booked a fifteen minute appointment with you, D…sir," Hiccup protested calmly. "Maybe should've booked fifteen seconds if you won't even give me a chance to speak."

"Okay," Stoick said, sitting back angrily and lacing his thick fingers in front of his chest. Hiccup swallowed and tried to think of a way of phrasing this that didn't make him sound utterly pathetic.

"I need money for shoes," he said quickly, giving up. Because there was _no_ way he could sound anything other than useless. The General stared at him in shock.

"What?" he growled. Hiccup stared into his eyes and resigned himself to another lecture or just a tirade on how utterly useless he was.

"I need some money to buy some more shoes, Dad," he said more firmly.

"Thor, can't you just buy them from your allowance, boy?" Stoick growled. Hiccup flinched: he couldn't help it. Now was the really pathetic part.

"Um…you haven't given me an allowance since four months before we came to Berk," he said. "Um…not for over eighteen months in fact…"

"But you must have frittered it away on…"

"Food, clothes, shoes and essential books for school," Hiccup said more spiritedly than he had intended. Stoick scowled.

"Really, boy, you…"

"You left me alone most of the time and when you were away, I got no money," he said quietly. "So I had to use my savings to get food and clothes if I outgrew them or they broke…" He winced, recalling torn shirts and shredded jeans from some more amusing 'pranks' that his bullies had done in the last couple of years of High School. "Sometimes you didn't leave me with anything…right, Dad?"

He cringed inwardly as Stoick turned puce with anger. Neither was supposed to mention when he had been called away on an urgent mission, leaving his son alone with no food, dirty clothes and no guardian. When Hiccup had been badly beaten by his bullies and landed in the ER, it had all come out and the boy had ended in a home. Stoick had pulled a lot of strings to get his son back but he had never forgiven Hiccup for ending up there in the first place. He had only been away for three months or so, for Thor's sake! What kind of pathetic fifteen year old can't manage to look after himself for that time?

"So how long has it been since you bought those shoes?" he asked. The teen stared at his feet and sighed.

"Over two years," he sighed. "They've actually got holes in the sole, Dad and they're too small…" Stoick scowled.

"And why can't you just buy them out of your allowance?" he demanded. Hiccup stared at the floor. He had already explained but clearly his father wasn't listening. _Now there wasn't a surprise!_ He could count the times his father actually listened to him since his Mom died on the thumbs of one hand.

"I don't have a bank here, Dad," he mumbled. "And I only had twenty dollars and fourteen cents left anyway. I can't afford anything!"

"But surely the Quartermaster can…"

"I'm _not in the army_ , Dad!" Hiccup shouted, suddenly losing his patience. "I'm not on the payroll. To him, I don't exist! He refused me-and not even Gobber could change his mind! Because the _Base Commander_ ordered that we don't waste precious resources on anything not directly tied to the project-and though I ride the damned alpha dragon, apparently I'm not!" Stoick leapt to his feet.

"SIT DOWN!" he growled. Hiccup glared at him and balled his fists rebelliously. " _SIT. DOWN._ " Stoick's tone was suddenly deadly serious and the boy flinched, then stumbled into the chair. Stoick prowled round to stare at his disappointing son…and then paused.

The shoes in question were literally falling apart, wrecked from miles of walking to and from the Pens and around the Base. The boy's jeans were scruffy, with the white threads showing at the bony knees that threatened impending holes. The T-shirt was faded and lightly bobbled with fabric that was a little shiny and thin and clearly about to fall apart. And the shirt was frayed at the collar with a missing button and again faded.

He looked like the son of a bum, not the son of a General, Stoick realised with shock.

"So you really have no money?" he asked. Hiccup shook his head, his cheeks flaming with embarrassment.

"I've not even been out," he sighed. "No clearance to go down to the village. No chance to get some work and earn some money. So I'm stuck. I suppose I could walk around barefoot but that may make flying Toothless more difficult…"

"Do you have any other shoes?"

"Sneakers-even worse than these. Also too small." Glancing at the embarrassed shape, Stoick also realised the boy's ankles and wrists were far too visible under the too-short jeans and shirt. He couldn't accuse his boy of being fat-the lad was a twig, after all-but he couldn't stop him growing upward either. Stoick was well over six and a half feet tall and beloved Valka had been over six feet as well so he shouldn't have been surprised…though he had never really considered it because the boy had been so small and disappointing for so long… He blinked. What would she say about her son sitting in almost-rags, begging for money for shoes.

 _She'd be ashamed at you, Stoick Haddock,_ he reminded himself. _He is your only son, the only part you have left of her and though he isn't the son you wanted and he probably caused her death, you owe him some clothes at least…_

"I will pay you an allowance of one hundred pounds a month," he decided sternly, unable to bring himself to say anything reassuring to the boy, who was as wracked by embarrassment as Stoick himself would have been in such a predicament. "I will ask Gobber to take you to the local town to set up a bank account with a card which will permit you to shop over the internet. I will pay the allowance direct into the account. Parcels will be delivered to the village and collected by the base support staff. Deal?" Hiccup glanced up and nodded once. He was being escorted to town like a criminal in case he ran…but to where? Who would want him? What could he do? And how could he go without Toothless? All he wanted was some shoes, but Stoick seemed incapable of realising he was his son and responsibility. It had been demeaning, begging for money for the barest minimum of clothes. An apology was far too much to hope for.

"Thanks, sir," he said reluctantly and rose to his feet. There was an awkward moment where they faced each other, mere feet apart…almost in hugging range…but Stoick spun swiftly away and stomped back to his desk.

"Was that all?" he asked brusquely, checking his watch. _Fourteen minutes._ Hiccup's shoulders sagged.

"Yes, sir," he said defeatedly. There was so much more he wanted to say, things he ached to discuss with his father, questions he had about his mother, about his life, about why Stoick would never give him a chance…but there was no opportunity. Stoick had effectively slammed the door in his face.

"Dismissed!" the General snapped and his son turned and walked quietly to the door, letting himself out with one last, longing glance at his father…though Stoick never even looked up from his jotter. The soft click of the door didn't intrude on his concentration.

Outside, the teen balled his fists in frustration and gave a yell of anger, before walking away from the door. His father had his own office and suite of rooms while Hiccup, his son, had been simply assigned a standard soldier's room on the other side of the base. He never saw his father, never interacted in any father-son way with him and a casual observer wouldn't even guess they were related. Feeling the frayed shoe rub on his heel, he limped slightly and slowed his pace as he heard voices approach…and then he ducked to the side of the corridor, recognising one of the voices as Dagur, his perennial tormentor. He pressed into the alcove and prayed to Thor that they wouldn't find him.

"Have you seen the geek?" Dagur growled as they stopped mere feet from where Hiccup was cowering. "I fancy a little fun. Maybe we can see how fast he runs...with a forfeit if he can't outrun us..." Not even daring to breathe, Hiccup tried to press his body into the wall as Savage paused.

"Dacre in Security said he had an appointment with the General," he reported with a smirk. "I mean, how pathetic is he to have to make an appointment to see his own father?"

"I'd have drowned the runt years ago," Dagur mused and gave a manic laugh. Hiccup curled up inside, feeling ashamed once more. If even Dagur-who was a psychopath-could recognise their relationship was a joke, then what hope did he have? "Let's try by the Pens and see if we can catch him there…" And they moved away. Shaking and listening hard in case they were trying to ambush him, he waited a few more moments, then cautiously peeked out. The corridor was thankfully empty so he wandered back to the main part of the base, heading for Toothless's pen-which was sited well away from the other dragons' pens-and slipping in to see his dragon. The Night Fury bounded along to see him, warbling eagerly and nuzzling the boy who crouched to embrace him. The dragon solemnly treated him to a thorough licking and Hiccup laughed as the tried to fend off the eager reptile.

"Gah! That doesn't wash out!" he grumbled. "No wonder my clothes are falling apart with all the additional washes!" Toothless gave a laughing sound which had Hiccup scowling at him. "Easy enough for you…you come already clothed…well, scaled… I wonder what my Dad would say if I had to walk around barefoot because I had nothing at all to wear? I'm sure he would put me in the brig for being improperly clothed," he added sarcastically, mimicking his father's Scottish accent deftly as he scrambled up and saddled the dragon with practiced ease. Toothless nudged him. "I think he got the message but I'll believe it when I see it."

He sighed and sat on his heels as the dragon paced around him, his tail flicking and obviously eager for a flight. Distracted and still rehearsing the argument he had won with his father, he shook his head.

"I mean, I don't know what he expects me to to? I have no official job, no income and I spent all my savings just staying alive when he vanished and forgot to leave me any money," he murmured. "If they would just give me some shoes, I wouldn't have to bother them. I mean would it kill him to spend the time with me to get it sorted? But _NO!_ He dumped me on Gobber…not that I mind…but Gobber is officially crazy and I may end up registered for the Navy rather than a bank account!" He sighed heavily. "Who am I kidding? I'll never be accepted by Dad. None of the others bother what I look like, as long as I turn up so they can badmouth me or kick the crap out of me. No one here cares if I'm dressed in rags or have any shoes or whatever!" Toothless crooned and the boy rubbed his muzzle firmly. "I know, I know. As long as I can fly you, you don't care either," Hiccup smiled in resignation. "C'mon…let's see if we can nail that loop and leap manoeuvre…"

And he threw himself into the saddle as the back of his converse finally gave out and, undeterred, the boy and his dragon took off with a roar and a whoop of joy, all thoughts of shoes forgotten.

oOo

_**[Five years later]** _

The young couple walked hand-in-hand slowly along Princes Street, Edinburgh. It was a glorious day and the sun picked out copper strands in the young man's dark auburn hair, cut choppily around his collar. The beautiful young woman's long braided blonde hair was sun bright and her azure eyes locked on the contents of the shop window, while the tall, lanky young man focussed on the reflection of the beautiful gardens behind them. He smiled at her squeak of excitement: she was an army doctor-tough and practical and brave but when faced with a really expensive pair of shoes, she had surprisingly turned into a total girl. Reminding himself that he really outta tell Ruff and Cami about this, he leaned closer to her, his arm already around her slender waist, and ghosted a kiss on her hair.

"Hmm, should I be jealous of the shoes?" he murmured. She grinned and peered into his teasing face.

"Commander Dragon Boy-don't even think about asking who would win in a choice between you and the Jimmy's!" she warned him and he raised his hands in surrender.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Milady," he gabbled quickly. She grabbed his battered leather jacket and dragged him close, pushing her lips hard against his. He kissed her back urgently, his hands sliding into her golden hair and closing his bright emerald eyes as he bathed in her love for a long moment. Finally they broke apart, foreheads resting together and breathing hard. "Gods, I love you," he breathed.

"You know, I love you too, Babe," she told him, pulling back to look up into his face. He was skinny, lanky and tall, his expression calm and still vaguely lacking in confidence, though he always always had much more self-assurance with her. His emerald gaze was only for her and his cheeks were slightly flushed. Her hand slid down his cheek and caressed his angular jaw, feeling the vague stubble. He closed his eyes briefly and leaned into her hand, the gesture reminding her how desperately he valued her affection. He had been beaten and crushed and terrified when she met him, fleeing from B.E.R.K. after rescuing his best friend and running for his life-but she had known, even then, that he was her soul-mate. It had been love at almost first sight and she had never regretted following him to B.E.R.K. and winning his confidence, his trust and his love. "But this isn't getting my shoes for that ridiculous ball your father has volunteered us for."

"Good old Dad," he managed sarcastically. "He couldn't go himself…well, not unless he wanted Gobber as his date…"

"I'd pay to see that," Astrid smirked.

"So we end up landed at some ludicrous event because it should get us close to the Russian Ambassador, even though neither of us have any espionage experience or training," he sighed. "And while you will look utterly stunning, Milady, I will have them laughing in the aisles as a fishbone in a Tux!" She lifted a blonde eyebrow and a small smile crossed her face.

"Maybe a Tuxedo in the States but in Scotland, we call it a Dinner Jacket," she corrected him and he shrugged.

"Tom-ay-toes, tom-ah-toes," he replied philosophically. "Whatever you call it, I look like crap in it!" Her hands slid down his chest staring into the self-deprecating face.

"I don't know, Hiccup," she told him seriously. "You're gorgeous, smart, funny, tall…"

"My girlfriend needs glasses," he grumbled.

"Fiancee," she reminded him. "And I'm 20-20, by the way! You have a perfect sleek silhouette, my love…don't think that you aren't gorgeous just because you aren't some muscle-bound lump of beef!"

"Sleek?" A well-defined eyebrow raise teasingly.

"Slim, lithe, athletic, limber, toned…" she began and he silenced her with another quick kiss.

"Gods, I am lucky to have you," he murmured softly. "My Tux…whatever…is on order and you have the most amazing aquamarine dress because you are amazing and beautiful and I really don't deserve you…and now we need the shoes…or you'll be in Sketchers and I really _will_ be in converse! And I suppose it should be my treat…even though I will probably have to sell a kidney or something to afford them…" She swatted him playfully at his ironic tone. He had already spent a lot of his carefully accrued savings on her most precious possession.

"Then I'll buy yours," she retorted. "Have you any idea how expensive men's dress shoes are?"

"I'm fine…I have one pair of shoes and one pair of boots," he told her self-consciously, memories of the most embarrassing conversation with his Dad five years earlier briefly running through his memory. Though not his most embarrassing conversation ever… _please, Thor-never let Gobber relate how he explained the birds and the bees to me…_ "I-I don't really need any more…" he added defensively. She hugged him lovingly at his soft, shamed words.

"Babe-you can't wear _converse_ to a black-tie Ball-even though I know they're your _only_ black shoes! And remember-you can never have too many shoes," she reminded him gently.

"I only need one!" he reminded her softly, his prosthesis clicking softly as he shuffled his left leg and eyes inspecting the floor in shame. She took his hands and stared into his self-conscious green eyes, her expression reassuring.

"My Dragon Boy…two legs, one or _none_ …I wouldn't go with anyone else," she told him seriously. "Because you're the _only_ one I love. And the only one I want on my arm when I walk in…on those ridiculous-but very gorgeous-shoes!"

"You said it, not me," he said as they walked into the shop. "I take it you only want me as a crutch to stop you falling and breaking your neck?"

"You got it," she smiled as they paused at the doorway. "You wouldn't want me on actual crutches for our own big day?" He turned to her and slid his hands down to her waist, staring into her eyes.

"One of us limping is enough," he grinned as door closed behind them, the sunlight streaming from over the castle gleaming of the brand new diamond ring on her left hand…

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started as an idea I had about how utterly useless and careless Stoick was as a parent and him realising (dimly) that he does have a few responsibilities to his son. And then I couldn’t resist a little Hiccstrid…


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